How are you defining “love”? Intimacy, attraction, chemistry, commitment, caring, selflessness, communication, giving, desire, etc? In my marriage, some of these things fluctuate at times. Sometimes I’m really drawn to my partner, and sometimes I can’t stand being around him another minute.
But the amount that I care for him and want the best for him is what keeps me there, and the knowledge that our commitment is more than feelings or chemicals.
Some days I might be someone who you would consider is in a marriage lacking in love depending on how you’re trying to measure that, but I wouldn’t define it that way, nor would my husband.
Infatuation, maybe? The distinction between loving a valentine vs loving a best friend. There are certainly kinds of love that we don’t have proper words for, and the love gets redefined continuously as time passes, but we often times use the same word to describe it.
Regardless, a lot of times people just stay together because they don’t feel the need to be apart. Nothing bad about it, but nothing exciting about it either.
I mean, we still enjoy each other’s company, and intimacy, and make each other laugh. We have attraction for each other, and I feel for him things that I do not feel for my platonic friends, like romantic affections.
He’s my best friend, too. But at the root of it is something that would exist even without the intimacy, even without the romance. And if I had to choose between having him in my life as a best friend, and having him in my life for sex, I would prefer the best friend, because that’s where the joy and meaning and commitment lie for me.
I think love is the creative force that helps us to be who we should be.
It has a psychological aspect. We can feel in love. But this can be fickle.
Love is also an objective relationship between people.
A lot of people need spousal love to involve monogamous sex (even if part of them wants to wander sometimes.) Not everybody though.
When I imagine somebody being in a loveless marrriage, i don’t imagine there being ultimatums. Somebody just leaves. Ultimatums make me think of addictions. I suspect Brady was addicted to football. But i don’t really know.
I think it’s relevant that he’s at the end of his career, and fans mostly would prefer he quit and be remembered as the goat, and not play badly for another year or two.
If he were a rising star, i think there would be outrage with the same genders. Or, maybe not outage, but the spouse would be vilified.
I think Lucy is agreeing. Maybe you missed the first part of what you quoted where she’s entertaining a hypothetical. IF he were a rising star. He’s not. His star is risen and is on a downward trajectory.
