My sister was over this evening, we were all sitting around the table and the kids started teasing each other, it became a whole bantering thing between all five of us, we were laughing. At one point my 7yo stops us and says “guys! This is just like we’re all grown ups having a good time and laughing a lot like you guys do when you’re in your room watching tv. It’s just like we’re grown ups!”
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Completely agree, in fact I think it’s a shame school doesn’t really do this. It’s all about transferring knowledge but not really teaching how to discover, when that’s how all of this was … discovered. Much more fun to challenge your kid to critically think through it.
Speaking of gap years, my son is at the start of his phd and has been talking about taking a year off to earn some money. He’s got a new GF that they’re right involved together. And, fair enough, he’s been in school forever and getting sick of no money and not living an adult life.
My opinion, he should absolutely not take a gap year. Too much risk of not coming back, and there goes his dream of becoming a prof. Spouse’s opinion, shut up, we don’t have a say in it and worst case he’s got a masters so he’ll find a decent job.
Who’s right, and why is it me?
When I hear “gap year” I think, “they ain’t going back.”
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Are they living in your house/financially-dependent on you in a significant way? Then, imo, you do have a say in it.
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If your son is asking your opinion, then you should give it, with support for any outcome. If he’s not, you shouldn’t, unless you’re financially supporting him, then it’s acceptable to have a conversation about how your financial contribution could change depending on his choices, but I think that has to be done the right way. And for the right reasons. “I’m cutting you off because you’re not making the decision I think is best” vs “I trust your ability to make choices for what’s best for you, but our support was contingent on you being in school and unable to support yourself. Now that you are no longer in school, we need to come to an agreement about what our involvement looks like.” Very different things.
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maybe the gap year is a hint that finishing the phd isn’t all that the kid wants these days.
i think its ok to discuss it. if making money feels good (or too good) then that feeling will make going back to finish really hard - that’s just reality. asking about that confirming it was considered is ok as long as the set up is neutral.
my answer changes if you are materially supporting the kid somehow.
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I hear that too but a lot depends on the kid. My niece took a gap year between college degree and law school. Of course, she graduated college in 3 years and her gap year was helping with hurricane Katrina cleanup but still.
My neighbors kid is currently in a gap year after school and before med school, but then her gap year is working as a paramedic on an ambulance.
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He lives at home, for free and we pay some of his bills. that doesn’t change with his choices. Worst case we would strongly encourage him to start saving.
Partly because we want them to be financially stable and debt free out of school. Partly because we want them to live here forever. Every time my daughter visits (she’s married with her own house, kid on the way, etc) I say “Why are you leaving? You live here now!”.
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Well, relevant. Unsure how this is going to change things with the boy.
His GF has some, uh, interesting parents. I think there’s a lot of conflict. She does all the cleaning and cooking for the whole family. Can’t use the upstairs bathroom. All sorts of stuff that I find odd.
GF just had a chernobyl with her parents. They won’t cosign a loan for her to continue in school. Like, W…T…F. Suggesting she should take some time off. My son’s over too much, like he’s living there. All sorts of crap that’s unrelated just thrown into the general screaming match from what I gather.
So she’s packed a bag and headed over here. She’s been assured she can live here. (despite my previous comments, I had told them that maybe they could chip in a couple hundred bucks for groceries if they were both living here, but I doubt we’d actually implement that). So, she’s here for maybe a day, maybe forever. I don’t know how that impacts my son and his school plans. But I’m sure it does.
And I got told by my spouse to make sure I give her a hug when she gets here (I knew that), because she’s already told my son she likes getting hugs from me.
I dunno. Who denies their kid a cosign on a loan to go to school? Does it make a difference if one of her parents is a professor? Geez louise.
(I guess it doesn’t make a difference if they’re an educator. My spouse’s father was a HS teacher, and he told her at 16 it was fine, just quite school. That was the extent of his advice. Quit school.).
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Also relevant?
Is his Masters in something useful or cool?
I would agree that you do have a say, as you are giving him free money now. I would also agree with your wife, probably, that the risk of not becoming a professor is nbd.
Yeah, he’s got lots of money if he spent it in a fastidious fashion. He’s getting there. In the next few weeks he should be debt free and have cashflow to do whatever he wants. It’s still not quite the same as having enough money for your own place though.
Microbiology. Useful I guess :). He can get a decent paying job I’m confident. Just that it quashes the probability of him being a prof and doing research, the two things he wants in a career.
I guess right now we just wait and see.
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Changing diapers and teaching my kids to go on the potty can suck but I must say it sure is a more straightforward problem than when they grow up…
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I am convinced that ages 6-9 are the best ages. We have a 10 year old and he’s entering the grunting phase, and my younger son barely slept until recently. But that age was really good for us.
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Yeah, though not sure i would call these problems. Just stuff that happens, life etc.
Its all good, it just makes our experiences rich.
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Dammit, Dad!!! 
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I really enjoyed the preschool years, ages 3-4. My daughters would still sit on my lap and I could read to them…and I enjoyed those books…much better than , e.g., Financial Enterprise Risk Management.
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8×8?
Well 8 + 8 is 16…
What?
So 16…4
6x4…
12+12…
24…and…4 1s…
…64!
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