I don’t want to brag on my kid, but I do want to obsessively talk about my kid, since she is the most important thing in my life, and also the only thing really happening right now.
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For those that don’t remember my previous thread: I am constantly irritated by how little anybody knows about parenting.
I feel like I should know as much about parenting as I do Microsoft Excel, but the knowledge just isn’t out there. It’s all “just be loving”, “you can’t control them”, “follow your heart”, etc. bullshit that people say when they have no idea what to do at all. That’s not to say I’m a very devoted father-- (the missus and I are both lazy pigs)-- I just wish I had some notion that doing X was better than doing Y. Especially when I am making decisions every day that determine my child’s experience and thus her long-term growth, wisdom, wellbeing, etc. (Or maybe it really makes no difference if I exist at all, who knows.)
Anyway, during pandemic o’ clock, the main thing I’ve done is pick which screens my kid stares at all day. That’s probably not as good as having friends, family, books, or schooling… but hey it’s something.
Keep her off the pole.
– Chris Rock
Plenty of books on parenting. Read a bunch, then figure out what kind of parent you want to be, besides the “lazy pig” kind. Somewhere between that and Tiger Mom/Dad. There are ten other animals on the Chinese Zodiac. Pick one that fits you.
Start with the basic: goals:
- What is your goal as a parent?
- What kind of person do you want your daughter to end up as at the end of your parenting (when she becomes of age or whenever you decide to “let her go”)?
- Stop using the MIN function.
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Read to your child.
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Like this post twice.
Added, not my post! 1695814’s post about reading!
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Nice post!
IMO, the great thing about Tiger-Mom is how her argument is clear.
Force your kid to practice all day ---->>> They’ll play Carnegie Hall.
I don’t want to torture my kid, so tiger mom is out, but I appreciate the experiment. I have never gotten that from other books. They are observational at best-- feel-good common-sense pop-psychology self-help books at worst. Admittedly it’s been a while since I looked.
But since you ask, I think I want my kid to be happy. She is very happy right now. But we have depression running strong in both sides of the family line, so it’s just a matter of time before she wants to kill herself everyday.
Probably next is wanting her to be rational, so she doesn’t join the next generation of trump supporters. But I think we can do that easily.
Depression is a medical issue…not a parenting issue…except if the parents deny the issue & don’t seek necessary treatment…then it’s also a parenting issue.
I think “be rational” should be first.
Your wanting your kid first to be happy leads to a spoiled kid. She’ll learn that all she has to do is act unhappy, and you’ll cave.
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Eh, sounds like a cop out. Depression is linked to childhood experiences (mostly abuse of course). It’s also strongly influenced by culture and relationships-- and I determine these things. And it’s frequently treated by coping mechanisms where you train thought patterns, which is another thing I could do.
I don’t know. My wife’s brother has been through everything, every drug, every therapy, and has never made it more than a couple days before spiralling. I don’t know if that’s ‘fixable’ shy of rewiring his brain. But the rest of the family seems to be influenced by our lifestyles, environment, and relationships.
Giving her a lot of attention when she acts sad was definitely not on my list of cures.
More like: what if I taught her social skills and imparted confidence, or what if I surrounded her with a big family, or what if we lived on a farm without electricity? Etc.
But good point about not having a clue.
- Yes.
- Yes.
- Meh. Whatever family you have. Size? Size matters not. Judge me by my size? Hmm? (Also, impart nerdy knowledge such as this so she can RN you.)
- Uh, just go with what you have. You want to cosplay for a week in Amish Country? Fine. A permanent lifestyle? No.
- You Et cetera’ed the best part!! (Again, for RN purposes.)
This might be too oriented to younger ages, but I was a big fan of these books:
- Cribsheet: A Data-Driven Guide to Better, More Relaxed Parenting, from Birth to Preschool (The ParentData Series): Oster, Emily: 9780525559276: Amazon.com: Books
- Expecting Better: Why the Conventional Pregnancy Wisdom Is Wrong--and What You Really Need to Know (The ParentData Series): Oster, Emily: 9780143125709: Amazon.com: Books
With pregnancy and parenting people are often given strict rules, rather than an understanding of the data underlying those lines, the two books above basically seek to give a more holistic view of the statistics underlying all sorts of pregnancy and parenting guidelines.
I like to frame it as I’m a fiduciary to my kids future self, say hypothetical future child at age 25 or 30. Presumably future child would value having had fun as a child but would also value having developed good sleep habits, etc.
Parenting is like pottery: Gotta mold it before the clay dries.
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Yes, but it’s also important to give the clay the freedom to be what it wants to be, while remaining a useful pot.
I agree. You want to shape your child to a mold that is independent, rational, self-sustaining, but still loves you enough to let you live with them when you’re 80.
exactly
I guess we’ll just have to disagree to agree.
Sure, a little too young, but yes, very in line with what I hope for when I look for a parenting book.
When she was a baby I spent a bit of time reviewing everything on this website. Which while very interesting is still kind of useless as a guide.
Right now the bar set is for everyone in the household to be alive, fed, relatively clean, minimal crying.
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