What NerdAlert said - I don’t consider most of those poll questions to be about “chores”. We had chores - cleaning, laundry, yard work. Not acting as a surrogate caregiver for my siblings.
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Yep.
My parents didn’t make me responsible for my younger siblings, so I don’t have the same experience as you. Is there some line you can describe that demarcates healthy training for adulthood vs unhealthy parentification?
For example, my mom was a sahm while i grew up, and did all the laundry. When she realized i was clueless about it when i left for college, she taught the younger sibs how to before they left for college. That seems fine to me.
Only laundry and tidying up our rooms.
Thats it really.
Feeding and milking the cows, cleaning their stables.
Baling hay and harvesting the oats and other crops.
All the usual chores a dairy farm boy does.
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Having a teenager cook dinner a couple of times a week seems okay, but regularly packing siblings’ lunches and putting them to bed seems weird. Maybe if it’s a single parent that sometimes works overnight.
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It’s one of those “know it when you see it” situations. For me, I have to ask:
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Is it developmentally and age appropriate? Chores should always be matched to the age and maturity of the child. Child-raising is a huge, adult responsibility, and should be left to adults, because see number 2.
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What are the consequences of it not getting done? If it’s a 13 year old, and their younger siblings’ bedtime doesn’t happen, does that leave less time for teen’s homework and social time? What is the impact on the younger children? What about their own bedtime? Are their needs (yes, socializing and independence are needs for teens) being neglected by what’s being asked of them? The consequence of not getting a chore done (not cleaning their room, not taking out the trash) shouldn’t have an emotional toll (sibling didn’t get to eat lunch or grades are slipping because there’s too much responsibility at home to focus on studying).
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Whose benefit is it really for? Is it to actually teach responsibility to the child, or is it to make parenting (a choice the children didn’t make for themselves) easier on the actual parents? Evaluate the motive. Can the same thing be achieved with less of a weight on the outcome?
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Will the younger siblings be asked to take on nearly as much responsibility when they are older? Likely not. What kind of resentment does that build in the older toward the younger? Toward the parents for both?
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Can’t believe I originally forgot to include this one! Is the older child still getting parented? Often times when older children are parentified, it’s a double whammy: they become the parent and help take care of their own parents’ needs, while also no longer being seen as a child themselves who need parenting. They are seen as caretakers for both sides and lose their ability to just be a kid and make kid-sized mistakes with kid-sized consequences.
Exactly what the hubby did. He grew up in a small dairy farm in France. I will also add that he helped make wine and bake bread. Their old wine maker thingamajig is still in the family farm house rotting.
Once, when we visited his family, I tried to milk a cow manually. Very squishy. The cow didn’t kick me at least.
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I would have loved to make wine and bake bread but I did no domestic chores. Those only came in adulthood.
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Does anybody else hear the cicadas chirping at night??? They’ve done it for the last couple of nights here.
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The cicadas are non-stop here now.
And will continue chirping much longer than in Ontario.
Definitely more cicadas this year than past years, including the one that was supposed to be the Year of Cicada Hell.
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Dishes, mow the lawn, rake leaves, do my laundry, help dad with projects.
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Been hearing lots of cicadas here too, which surprised me since I didn’t think it was a big cicada year.
@Bro’s avatar used to be light green with a B, now it’s different. What gives?
Is the insignificant signals thread a sign of how most guys think, or is it just a sweet manifestation of how a few people think?
Just wondering what goes through someone else’s head when I smile or act friendly to them… (or remember their name)
You can change your profile pic to whatever you want.
Bro probably wanted to mess with your mind, so duplicated is “default” avatar with the initial of his favorite dog or fish.
or Something
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y’all are overthinking things. I didn’t even know it was happening.