as for the lawn- I didnt want to pay some one, so I bought a giant riding mower that I can actually mow the whole yard very fast. That was the closest to compromise I got for outsourcing that one. New mower is awesome- fast and I dont spend tons of time fixing it. I could prob have paid a lawn service for a year for the price I paid for it though…
another note… I actually did all this stuff while I was drinking. I was a very active for all those years. The big benefit I got (time wise) after quitting was my weekend mornings were no longer for hangovers. I do a LOT of stuff early sat or sunday now that I never could before.
I have a friend that’s 3+ years sober, though he had a pretty big problem with it before, which doesn’t exactly sound like your situation OP. I’ve heard both how hard it is and rewarding it is. Great work thus far - I’m sure your kids will benefit from your path the most. I know the holidays can be tough on some so I hope you’re able to continue the path to where you want to be!
I moved from an alcohol habit to alcohol abuse during the pandemic. All the time at home made it way too easy. Last Sunday was the first day in years without a drink. I followed it up with three more days non drinking. I was surprised at how quickly small things improved. My mood, digestion, and energy/metabolism were notably better after that short of a time.
A friend of mine, who was an addict, told me the key to quitting is to find what you like more. The last few days made me think what I like more is a bunch of “nots”. Not having the shakes on Mondays, not being nauseas, not having the sweats, not having nights or even days completely missing from my memory.
Its tough because I really like the mental feelings of the buzz. I invariably tell myself that I can do moderate drinking and get the buzz without the negative consequences. But just as invariably, I end up escalating from moderate to excessive. This past week makes me think that non-drinkin is possible and preferable.
My digestion has been pretty screwed up for the past 3 years. Reasons unknown. I’ve been trying to keep short periods of sober life but have seen small improvements. Not sure I have the mental tenacity to keep sober for long periods.
At least the endoscopy didn’t show any signs of serious inflammation and no ulcers.
I’d suggest writing down all those things that are better (nots or not), and looking at the list every now and then. Over time I found it helpful to find social support, in whatever form that looks like to you. Congrats on realizing you want to make a change!
1/1/2022 will be two years for me, and while this isn’t something I’m happy to have in my life, I have a friend who is a functioning alcoholic. And so looking at their life is my constant reminder of why I don’t drink anymore. (They’re trying to be sober, and if that happens for them, I’ll probably have to find something else to anchor my gaze on. But that would be a welcome change for everyone.)
I loved being buzzed. But I would spend approximately 5 minutes being buzzed before I blew through the other side into drunkenness. I finally realized that I can’t just be buzzed, and I can’t do moderation.
I quit drinking right before the pandemic, and I am lucky I did… I am afraid to think how deep I would have gone at home every day. I have friends that went off the deep end during lockdowns.
I started my journey with a “100 days challenge”. Goal was no drinking for 100 days and that was certainly a challenge. And it took me several tries over years to actually complete the challenge. I encourage you join us in the land of recovery- while I admit it is relatively boring at first, it really grows on you over time.
chatting on the old AO while I went through the process was very helpful. I found the community there (which I think is the same one here) very supportive and understanding.
one of the things I encourage is to NOT compare my alcohol problem to other people I know. For years I justified my own issues by looking at friends and thinking “that guy had a drinking problem, but Im not like him, im still OK”. Turns out I could always find someone in my life with a worse drinking problems that me, and continue to justify my own bad choices.
I think some form of comparison is going to be unavoidable . . . it’s human nature.
The key is to pick the right people to compare yourself against. If you want to get better, compare yourself with someone who is where you want to be . . . .
good advice. it is rare, but if you are the individual who is the worst among their extended social and family circle…then yeah, you likely have a big time issue.
but comparisons to others doesn’t help quantify or identify actual impacts on your own life that your choices/compulsions are creating. comparison to others can be helpful, but is a huge opportunity to just be a cycle of deflections bc of the nearly infinite bottom of folks living closer to rockbottom.
Turning things into a game or sport can definitely help. It’s partially why AA and NA work, and also why crossfit might work for those who can’t bring themselves to work out. Glad it worked for you
Bunch of red flags in there. “Habit to abuse during the pandemic” and “first day in years without a drink”. It’s not a “habit” if you drink every day for years. It’s a euphemism.
Side note: No one “used to be” an addict. You either are or aren’t. If you are an addict, leading a sober life means you have a handle on it, but it can come rearing back at a moment’s notice. Not being an addict means you can take it or leave it.
Ask yourself: Can you and will you give up booze (and other intoxicants) for 90 days? No excuses like, well, there’s that New Year’s Eve party and then Valentine’s day, gotta have some champagne. If the answer is no, I would seek counseling.
Another flag: “But just as invariably, I end up escalating from moderate to excessive.” Seems like you can’t control it.
That said, merely not drinking does not mean you are living a sober life. Unless you remove your drinking triggers from your life, and face your resentments, all you’ll be is a dry drunk. Sobriety is a way of life, not merely not drinking (or using).
(This topic is near and dear to my heart and life, as several close people have battled this disease with varying results. I’ve been a support man at AA and NA meetings. I was a surrogate sponsor for one of them when her sponsor was unavailable. Some people might remember that I got on a soap box once or twice on the AO on this issue)
You see this all the time in AA rooms. “Jim was giving hand jobs in the park to get a pint of gin. I’m not that bad, so I can’t be an alcoholic.”
But if people are honest with themselves, and tell some TRUE stories, there will be at least one person in the room saying “I’ve never been as bad as that!”
