Have you called co-worker B’s hawt mom yet???
dude, you seem to take more interest in my love life than I do. Do you need a hobby?
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I’ve been getting a LOT of new followers on Reddit, and they all seem to have OnlyFans accounts. They seem nice.
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An Instagram user message me “Hello” When I check her followers, I notice they are all as ruggedly handsome as I am. 
A cute girl in tight, black yoga pants was running toward me and saying, “I’m coming!! I’m coming!!!” 
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My gf and I were walking up to the door at sbux when this pretty, blonde girl going in held the door for us. I let my gf go first, but as I walked in, I saw the blonde girl pick up a to-go order and come back for the door. Swave and deboner fella that I am, I held the door open for the blonde girl to exit!!! 
ETA: And I said, “Let me return the favour!” So swaaaave, so deboner!!!
Breadmaker = cold shower
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IFYP 
My office opens out into the reception area / lobby so I get to hear the receptionist all day every day.
Receptionist (on phone): Oh well aren’t you sweet… and you’re my favorite client. Hold on, let me see if she’s available…
Receptionist: Hey twig, I’ve got Flirty Client on the phone; he wants to talk to you.
Me: Ok, transfer him.
Flirty Client: And how is my favorite [job title] today? You know, I’m going to be visiting MyCity next week; we should talk in person.
Me (pretty sure he does not mean for work stuff): Oh well I can have Receptionist set that up then. Is Wife going to be with you?
At this point Client started hemming & hawing well he didn’t mean for it to be a formal thing in the office; he just wants to thank me for all the good work I’ve done for him over the years. We could just meet somewhere and he’ll buy me dinner as a thank you.
He’s forever telling me he’s getting divorced. If he does this will it be shielded from his wife in a divorce, what about that, what are the tax implications of getting divorced and how it relates to various stuff we’re helping him with. He’s been worried about the financial impact of this divorce for like 3 years now but never actually gets divorced. Ok, I’ll believe it when it’s done, but I only meet with clients in the office. Sorry dude.
I ended up transferring him to another female employee who he also asked out. Gee, how flattering.
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Seems like this might belong in the significant signals thread.
Eh, when he flirts with three different women in the office it feels pretty insignificant. Now he didn’t ask the receptionist out, but she’s in her 60s. He just flirted with her.
But he did ask the billing gal out after I transferred him. Literally on the same phone call. Billing gal also declined.
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This one’s for you, Twig!!!
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Does my story not measure up to your high standards?
Oh, he did ask me what my favorite restaurant was, and I said something like “well if it’s your first time in City then you should definitely check out Restaurant.”
When he asked Billing Gal out he didn’t ask her what her favorite restaurant was… he asked her if she’d like to have dinner with him at Restaurant (the one I’d recommended).
Maybe I really am his favorite. 
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It’s an awesome story worthy of inclusion here!!! 
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We have an open position and an internal candidate has applied. I’ve spent over an hour with her on the phone and on Teams discussing the position, the team, the dept, managers, etc. I swear she’s been flirting with me too.
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When I got on the plane, the flight attendant looked me up AND down!!! 
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They do that to all the sketchy passengers
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Thought bubble above her head:
“If this plane makes a water landing this guy will make an excellent floatation device since he’s so full of hot air.”
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