The Kids Thread

I showed this to my kids. They still will randomly yell “consequences!” at me. So maybe that helps?

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My kid almost had a philosophical breakthrough?

Me: wait is this after lotr?
Wife: no, it starts before the beginning of time…
Me: right but…
Wife: and Galadriel is young and hasn’t diminished…
Kid: Wait a minute.
Wife: or crossed over to the undying…
Me: What?
Kid… If this is… before time begins…
Me: yeah?
If this takes place before there is time then…
If this takes place BEFORE TIME…
Then there could be no Animal Crossing!
Because Animal Crossing is in Real Time.

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So my son gets really down on himself, especially when he’s tired. I think compliments make him feel very uncomfortable (I’m the same way) and he overcompensates by saying he isn’t smart/creative/kind/etc.

Tonight we were talking about his writing, and he insisted he’s a “terrible” writer. I told him that wasn’t true, and mentioned all the things he has written that were clever and funny. He refused to believe it. Then I talked about how our brains sometimes try to trick us into thinking we aren’t good at things, and I shared about how my brain likes to tell me that I’m not funny and my jokes are not good.

And the little punk replied, “well, mom, I don’t laugh at your jokes. So I guess actually that’s true and you’re not funny.”

And then I went into this whole explanation of how we are hardest on ourselves, and I’m really nailing it, giving this emotional and poignant speech that I’m confident is hitting home, because he’s not fighting me on any of it, just listening intently. And I finish up my monologue and ask him how he feels about that. And he’s snoring.


We’ve had similar talks with our kids. It’s important to talk positively to yourself, otherwise you will begin to believe the negative talk!

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Kid needs a stand-up stage. Comedy genius stuff there.

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Kid put some hair clips on a headband in our bedroom.

In order to cover up this grave and terrible decision, she barricaded the door with books, sheets, towels, and miscellaneous boxes.

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:rofl::rofl::rofl: Nailed it!

You should have said “That right there is clever and funny”

One of the best lines from our rehersal dinner, groomsman says “Mrs Grondin asked me to tell a funny story about Steve, but the problem is he just isn’t that funny…”

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I heard you screaming for a bit there.

I had soap in my eyes, and when I rubbed them with my hands, I got more soap in my eyes.

Oh, that’s awful. I always make sure that my hands have no soap at all by rubbing them together in the water before trying to wipe my eyes.

I used tile.


I rubbed my eyes on tile.

Oh… Uh… I don’t know if that’s a good idea.

Well it worked.


Are you ok? That kid keeps shouting your name.

I’m playing tag. I’m trying not to be tagged. That’s how the whole thing goes, actually.

The youngun’ just got notified that his master’s thesis won the award for best thesis amongst all the masters and PhD thesis at his school.

I told him that his real parents are probably very proud.


Lol that’s so awesome that it sounds like a joke you’d use to make fun of parents who value academic success.

I’ve got a million of them.
Why you get stung by b? Why u no get stung by a?

Or ‘what happened to the other 13%’ after they get a 97. Queue ’ you mean the other 3%'. Nope, in this house we expect 110 percent.

But we make sure to recognize both their specific and general successes, despite the dad jokes.

YOu cannot give 110%

Kid was let into chess club this year, so I’m volunteering too, just an hour a week.

The organizer was talking to me. And she’s giving me serious tiger mom vibes with “it’s so great to have competition to improve their academics.” She also runs the Spelling Bee club, of course, because she wants her kids to spell, competitively. And I was like “uhhhhhhhhh whoa man whatever! I just want the little kiddos to have fun! I think chess is FUN. Kids should PLAY and RELAX and BE HAPPY.”

Then the next day, just to show my hippy ass, my kid is like "okay let’s play chess, so I can practice a little. " And so I teach her point values, and she’s all adding shit up in her head, even though normally she hates simple arithmetic (and sucks at it) “3…6…7…10…11…16 and you have 4…7…10…12… and then if I got your queen I’d have 26, and then if you got my queen, I’d still be winning… because you’d have 22… and no matter how many 10s we each get, as long as we get them at the same time, then you, my partner, will always have fewer points.”

So there you have it folks. Play one game with your kid and they turn into John Fucking Nash.


My son is getting an assessment next Monday for anxiety and negative thoughts. We are also starting him on the process of getting an ADHD diagnosis - his brother and dad have/had it, and he is showing some of the symptoms, but in different ways from his brother. Brother has a lot more energy, 7yo is more lost in his head and showing hyper focus. 10yo can’t excel in school without medication, 7yo seems to be doing fine for now (probably won’t medicate until/unless he needs it).


Sucks that elementary school requires a high level of attention, patience, and memory. Kid is in a class with 34 other kids. They have to sit in the same room for about 5 hours (late recess/lunch), keep quiet the whole time, and manage countless worksheets and books. It’s utterly unnatural for a 6 year old.