Shit that didn't make sense even for kids but we just went along with

How did little red riding hood not know a wolf was not her grandma

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how did santa claus visit every home in just one night and why did rich kids get better gifts and HOW did he even get in if you didn’t have a chimney? and how come non-goys were left out entirely from this santa nonsense?

and WHY would you leave santa milk and cookies? he’s already too fat from all the milk and cookies. heart attack risk amirite?

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Why would the tooth fairy give you money for a worn-out nasty old tooth?

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As a kid I put 1 tooth under my pillow and got $1.

Later I lost 2 teeth and put them under my pillow and got $5.

I learned compound interest that day.

A year or so later I put like 8 teeth under my pillow. I had saved them. I got $5.

I learned betrayal that day.


my mother told me she was the tooth fairy immediately. led to arguments with my neighbor whose mother didn’t tell her the truth and claimed if you don’t believe in the tooth fairy, she will get mad and shake your bed at night. her mother was later diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic. i cared about the cash, not some silly fairy tale.

Our founding fathers fought for freedom but had slaves.


When Simba sings the can’t wait to be king song he’s pretty much just wishing for his father’s death


Rapunzel - would have been scalped irl. Tale shoulda came with a “don’t try this at home kid” disclaimer

Since when do bunnies lay eggs?

What’s a goy?

Non jew

why was someone touching my genitals good for my health?

Hot dogs aren’t made out of dog

…or are they

He can skip most of Asia and the Middle East, do that saves time.

I grew up in Asia, I got gifts

Huh. Santa is more awesome than I thought.

maybe teeth are like ivory in their world. but they are very nice and don’t hunt us, but pay us for the teeth.

Short for goyim.

In modern Hebrew and Yiddish goy is a term for a gentile, a non-Jew. Through Yiddish, the word has been adopted into English also to mean gentile, sometimes with a pejorative sense.

But the history of the word is not that simple:

Maybe that’s more disturbing. Instead of a fairy, why are your parents giving you money for a “worn-out nasty old tooth”?

Because Sharon down the block gets money from the stupid tooth fairy, therefore so should i, but my mother didnt like the idea of lying about who gives us the money