Happy Birthday, Tiffneez!!! 
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I would consider getting one of those massage chairs, but only from a furniture store ~4 hours away from one specific salesperson, if she was still working there, and she still didnāt have the dog she wanted.
Might even pay for shipping, if she got a cut on that.
I feel like thereās a story there.
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Obligatory Frasier clip:
The el cheapo digital temperature/humidity gauges I have told me now for a few years that the humidity in the house is barely 25%, and I would supplement the 20-yr old whole house furnace humidifer with a humidifer in the basement. That one thought the humidity was less than 25, and its old and noisy so I replaced it with a bigger newer quieter model.
I turn it on, and it says the humidity is 39. It occurs to me to turn on the dehumidifier in the next room and that reads 35. Suddenly I remember that I have a tiny analog humidifer and that is reading 33. So the problem isnāt as bad as I thought, though I might want the numbers a bit higher than that.
Itās 4+ months later and my car should arrive within a week. The price of my new car is locked in and the official offer from CarMax is now $19,600 for my used car - $200 MORE than I paid for it. The dealer offered $17,500. Sounds like car prices are much higher in Florida and Alabama.
Is this what youād call, um, carbitrage?
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The sales guy told me he knew a friend with a second home in FL who put down a deposit to buy some sort of Ford electric SUV. He calls them up two months later wanting to verify the price for the car is now $18K more than he had been offered, and they said yes. He then offered them $10K to buy the car from him, so he made a sweet profit without ever taking possession of the car. Crazy.
Iād hang on to my car if I knew it would appreciate $500 per month, vehicles arenāt traditionally classified as āappreciating assetsā though.
Kind of weird that generally when you do medical tests and they come back negative, thatās usually considered a positive thing. Normally when you get a negative result, like your driverās test or an actuarial exam, you failed - but medical tests, you get a positive result and it usually means you failed something.
Or is it that if you get a negative test, you failed but you want to fail in which case, youāre always hoping to fail and youāre disappointed if you donāt?
āWhatās it going to take to get you out of buying a car today?ā
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Didnāt they go through this in some cheesy 80s movie with a pregnancy test? For Keeps, maybe?
When the pregnancy test came back positive the (unwed, teenage, not wanting to have a baby) girl was like āpositiveā¦ thatās good, right?ā
Or something close to that.
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My crazy aunt insists sheās dating one of the Backstreet Boys. She lives in a trailer park with who knows how many mangy dogs and cats. Why doesnāt he get her out of that place?
You canāt talk her out of this. Itās sad, but also amusing.
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Is it AJ? I bet itās AJ.
Is there an AJ? Did I say Backstreet Boys? That was wrong. Itās New Kids on the Block. At least they are closer to her age.
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Which member of NKOTB? I knew some of them back in the day growing up (yes, really)
I can only guess Danny? Bc I told her they were all married and she said Danny & Jordan were single. But Jordan is dating Auntieās roommate. 
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I ran track w Danny for a few years. I was like 11-14, he was a year older. Good dude. His younger brother too. He lived around the corner from my cousins. He appears to be in great shape and that life has been good to him. I have had no contact w him since 1986 or so. But if I see him, Iāll put in a good word for your mom.
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Iāll put in a good Oh yeah! for your mom!