Remember: bury yourself 12 feet down and leave a raccoon/squirrel corpse at 6 feet to throw off the scent dogs!!!
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I asked my HVAC system how it manages to control airflow, reduce noise, and efficiently distribute heated or cooled air throughout the house. It responded, āI canāt believe youād ask thatāIām literally baffled.ā
āAn atheist canāt find God for the same reason a thief canāt find a policeman.ā
This one makes zero sense. Are you sure this isnāt ādreams you rememberā?
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Iām over the āwoman screaming at catā memes. 
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Iām down 7 pounds since the first of the year. Iām still on sema, so about half that is expected, but I think the rest is because I gave up sugar for the month.
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Ok, I laughed in spite of myself. I admit it.
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Church is a great source of trustworthy babysitters. My two usual babysitters are both unavailable. I donāt have a deep bench hereā¦ I donāt have the most glamorous social life in the world.
Suddenly it hits meā¦ E is the Director of Childrenās Ministries at church but she knows the older kids because they used to be little kids. Shoot E a text: any reliable / trustworthy teens at church that are interested in babysitting? What day do I need?
Within 20 minutes I had a babysitter lined up. Bonus is that itās a teenager that helps with Sunday School so Mini Me knows and likes this kid. Awesome!
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Took my daily dose of DONTASSUMEITALL this morning, chased by my weekly SHUT THE F*** UP.
I love their videos. Especially liked āLibertarian Sesame Streetā series.
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MIāganders are so bass ackwards, Yeah-No?
Now my Wis-caaahn-san accent is going to come back, OPE!
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Random thought: ASCII art was a thing when I was in college, but even the most basic emoticons werenāt. Why not? Letās not make this simple thing, only complex stuff.
Oh, geez. Yous can get rid of it through speech the therapy, doncha know? But itāll cost yous a pretty penny.
time for a poll:
Who (or what) is she practicing to hit with that pan?
A) husband
2) child
D) intruder
v) fetish partner
Is there some kind of mandatory minimum number of maga apologists a discussion forum is required to have or something? Itās like whack-a-mole, hard to keep up.
Being RIFād is now described as being promoted outwards by a few CEOs that shall go nameless.
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The hardest thing about designing a perpetual motion machine is determining where to hide the battery
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Often, Iāll see a post & think Iāve got a great, cheeky response, and then remind myself of this:
I color code all my info. I wrote gay son in green. Green means go. So I know to go ahead and shut up about it. Orange, means orange you glad you didnāt bring it up. Most colors mean donāt say it.
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