Thanks, that’s a good template.
I get the feeling though that he does do it to get a reaction, and not a ha-ha one. I may be imagining it but I don’t think so. More like a bit of aggression wrapped in a smile.
If he is doing it intentionally, it is probably a power move for him. And you addressing it directly will be very disarming. He will probably be defensive, dismissive and/or crack some more awkward jokes in that case.
If he isn’t doing it intentionally, he will likely be taken by surprise by the directness, but hopefully will appreciate the feedback. Too often managers don’t get good feedback from their reports.
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Yes I would agree that it seems to be at least partly a power move. I’m guessing the reaction would be dismissive.
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You have a company HR video on harrassment in the workplace? Going to guess your manager has had to watch it / has to watch it shortly / has had to watch something similar in other companies. If what’s going on is covered in those videos, then there’s a potential problem.
Thinking about it more, maybe he read a blog post from a company I used to work at titled “How to Have An Awkward Conversation” and he’s trying to put that title into practice whenever he can.
Thinking about it, it seems to be young minorities. He can’t very well do this to people more established in their role no matter their status, but I don’t see him teasing young non minorities that often if at all.
I personally feel you are being overly sensitive and “dont get him”
Nothing you have printed has even approached a line of improper behavior
Before you even think of HR, talk to him, tell him some of his comments make you uncomfortable.
But as you have presented it here, if I was an HR person, i see no evidence of anything
Your young minority comments are very vague. Do you see whites getting preferecial treatment? Are all the minorities young?
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There are non young minorities and yes, there is some appearance of non minorities getting preferential treatment.
I guess I just accept this guy likes to make jokes where the point of the joke is something bad about someone else.
I think he’s pretty amusing tbh, definitely don’t think it is in any way hostile, attempting to bully minorities or anything of the sort. But if it bothers you you should definitely talk to him. We’re all adults at work. If you sit there silently while he makes jokes that don’t bother other people but bother you it is kind of on you to let him know so he can change.
If it wouldn’t bother the average person I am definitely not going to say anything to him. Yes it seems directed and a little mean spirited though.
I would say that’s a bit passive aggressive. If it doesn’t bother the average person but does bother you and this is your manager you should definitely say something.
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He hasn’t responded very sympathetically in the past when I came to him with something that I personally was having trouble with (a deadline for a project). His response was that everyone else seemed fine with it, and he was very dismissive, despite some special difficulties where my particular piece of it was different from everyone else’s. I’m not repeating that.
Obviously you do you, but that sounds like a work expectations thing which I’d argue is distinct from a relationships thing in the workplace. If he’s dismissive about you expressing discomfort over the types of comments he makes towards you that would be a big deal, but that’s different than him saying sorry you’ve got to hit this due date regardless.
Just keeping it to yourself isn’t a great idea if it’s going to bother you and it’ll be on you that you become bitter over time.
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Being dismissive wasn’t a one time thing , it happens pretty often. Unfortunately it’s a bit of a risk saying something and I don’t feel comfortable saying something to someone who’s often dismissive of what I say.
If you have access to a company video on preventing harassment at work, you could rewatch it to see if they discuss any scenarios that are similar to yours. If so, you could mention that scenario when you bring this up with him.
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I think, though, that this individual in question is approaching insensitive behavior; which isn’t necessarily concerning for a general rank-and-file employee, but could be problematic for a manager.
I think this is a reasonable default assumption; but I’ve been proven wrong on a few occasions, however.
If this is true, I would first talk to your supervisor’s supervisor before going to HR.
At this point, I would suggest starting to keep a diary/journal* and document everything and in detail.
I would also suggest updating your resume.
*This should be a hardbound notebook; and “timestamp” every entry you make.
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This is off a slide for implicit bias from a presenter for a conference I was running
I saw this after my daughter brought her boss to HR, but he did all these and so much more
This is a good guide, if he is doing multiple of these actions
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I feel like I should have something to contribute here since I’ve had 13 bosses already in a span of 12 years. It’s very easy to jump to the “if you have a problem with your manager you should talk to them about it” conclusion, but in practice it’s never that simple. Sometimes your manager just has a rogue personality, sometimes they have no idea what the hell they’re doing managing staff, and even sometimes, the manager you are supposed to be able to trust is actually lying to your face and trying to get you fired.
I have a “wait it out and see” approach. Sometimes, initial perceptions are wrong (ex: thought one of my recent managers was sexist but it wasn’t the case). Often times, my own managers just haven’t had enough time to see my true value come through and tend to underutilize/underestimate me for a while. In general, things change so quickly that if I have a problem with the way things are now it will probably work itself out in a year’s time anyway - so I wait, and if it’s that bad I play the situation to my advantage as much as possible until it’s passed.
Now the wait and see isn’t going to work forever, and if you’ve made up your mind already about this person and it’s bad - then move on. If you’re not sure, the next thing I would do is talk to another coworker that you trust and that may or may not be experiencing the same situation. Get their take on it. If you want to see discrimination, you will see it. If your coworker is seeing things differently than you, try to see it from their perspective before you make any decisions.
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Lucky. Go ahead, rub it in everyone else’s face, especiall those of us who’ve had … do we have to count a boss who at a certain point went derelict in their duties and didn’t interact at all with their direct reports? Asking for a friend, BTW.