Do you ever fantasize about being protestant, and following your personal conscience on the right way to say the response? 
It is. But still, it was $100.
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And, donāt ask for change from the basket.
Lucy needs to put āThe Terminatorā and The āTerminator 2: Judgment Dayā into her queue. Theyāre quite good.
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I donāt really like thrillers with lots of deaths. If you tell me thereās not much gore and not many people die, Iāll consider them.
Homer: Oh, good. Here comes the collection plate!
[puts a coupon inside]
Marge: [reading it] ā30 cents off ShakeāNāBakeāā¦Homer!
Homer: We can spare it, Marge! Weāve been blessed.
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If Iām gonna fantasize about something, it sure aināt gonna be about being a Protestant!!!
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ā¦I canāt tell you that.
Damn straight. We get all the good booze! And the good opera composers!
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Do I have to tell the truth?
If so, then sorry to say there will be some gore, and a lot of people die. I promise it is all film special effects, though. Stunts are pretty good, though. And, there are some good meme-worthy one-liners. Also, some great use of twins (two sets!).
I do like the church stuff in Tosca, especially the end of Act I - Scarpia is a bad-ass.
I realize itās not real. Maybe if a friend wants to watch, but itās not very high on my list.
You mean you havenāt heard: where there are four Episcopalians, thereās always a fifth. 
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I stick around with the Catholic Church because of the BINGO.
Oh, yes, the 8th āsacramentā.
You misspelled āpowerpointā.
Heh, depends what kind of Protestant you are.
My Bible study celebrated Jesusās first miracle* every time we met. I recall being on the elevator in my condo when it was my turn to bring the āsuppliesā. So I had two bottles of wine, cheese & crackers, some kind of fruit, hummus & carrots, chips and some chocolateā¦ enough that we could call it dinner since most of us were coming straight from work.
So this woman on the elevator commented that she wanted to go to the party I was heading to.
I responded with something like āoh sure, youāre welcome to join us. Itās a womenās Bible study and weāre studying the book of Hebrews right now.ā That was, apparently, NOT what she was expecting me to say! I explained that we were Presbyterian so we were allowed to drink. 
And the pastor that led the trips to Africa that I went on was a bartender before he was a pastor. He knew all the best beers wherever we went. And he tried to warn us about South African wine (which, quite inexplicably, is a real actual thing) but no one ever listened to him about that. Itās just a mistake I guess everyone has to make on their own.
*For those not familiar: Jesusās first miracle was turning water into wine. Noteworthy is that the wine was to be consumed by people who were already drunk at a wedding reception. To be fair, Jesus was doing this at the request of His mother to save the host from the embarrassment of admitting theyād run out of wineā¦ not just to be a party animal.
Yeah, Jesus was obviously pro-drinking. And he was a good Jew, and there are a lot of times Jews are ritually required to drink a glass of wine. Iām not sure how so many Christian denominations decided alcohol is always evil. Maybe (crossover from the drug thread) after the invention of distillation booze caused enough more problems than it has historically that people felt the need to cut it out entirely.
Hard liquor definitely has some stronger results than wine or beer.
Iām guessing that the reason some Protestant groups became anti-booze was their relationship with the specific populations that had loads of trouble with whiskey and gin. So, not the Germans.