[hijack] I actually didn’t realize that you weren’t being serious when you wrote this, since this accurately describes the last valuation team I had contact with. [/hijack]
Granted. You are now in charge of the Joplin District that spans Oklahoma, Kansas and Missouri.
I wish I didn’t have a sinus infection.
Granted. You have pneumonia.
I wish I was independently wealthy.
Granted. You have mounds of money while you sit completely independent on a desert island with no food or fresh water.
I wish it were Friday.
Granted. It’s Friday and you missed a big deadline Tuesday.
I wish my coffee was the right temperature to drink.
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Granted. Your coffee is a perfect 185 degrees Fahrenheit. So is the room you’re sitting in.
I wish I wasn’t so forgetful.
Wish granted. Your memory is flawless. Every time you try to have sex with your wife all you can think about is the fat girl on the softball team your lost your V card to. You remember to foul odor and this makes you gag and also causes you to go limp
I wish I were better at tennis
Granted. Now you can almost compete on a level with Forrest Gump.
I wish I knew Python better.
Granted. You know all there is to know about a Burmese Python, from the inside.
I wish I didn’t have chronic insomnia.
Granted. You are now nocturnal, and sleep soundly during the day.
I wish I was better at my job.
Granted, you are now the very best at cleaning horse stalls out.
I wish someone would bring me a pizza for lunch
Granted. It’s vegan and gluten free, with a cauliflower crust and fake cheese.
I wish I could go skiing out west this season
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Wish granted, you quit your job and drain your 401k to ski for 90 days this season in Mammoth.
I wish I had a new pair of skis + boots
Granted. You have a new pair of jumping skis, much too big, and magnetic boots, much too small.
I wish the COVID vaccines were already deployed to the general population.
Granted. There’s a new virus going around with no vaccine available and we all have to continue to quarantine.
I wish the 7 people on my “when they die, I’m throwing a party and IDGAF who gets offended” list would drop dead.
Granted the bus with you and those 7 goes over a cliff killing all. By a quirk of the after life you get to spend eternity with the people on the bus.
I wish I could take a nice vacation without worrying about COVID.
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Granted, but on your cruise everyone gets Legionnaires’ disease.
I wish ao fan wasn’t always mad at me.
Granted. You no longer post here. (That’s pretty much the only way to grant this…)
I wish I had a pet panda.
Granted too bad your pet is a carnivorous throwback.
I wish I could see the band The Police in concert.
Wish granted. You walk in on your wife get gang banged by all the members of The Police, they feel bad and give you and your wife tickets to their next reunion tour slated for 2028.
I wish my boss would run into computer issues so he can’t reach out and bother me for a day