I just checked your pronouns, but i was pretty sure you were male as soon as i read this. I was once hit on by a drunk superior. It wasn’t flattering at all. It was creepy as hell, and i cried on my husband’s chest that night. And it ultimately hurt my career.
He wasn’t bad looking. That was completely not the problem.
Maybe it’s the purist in me but I think you should expect fidelity in any relationship regardless of how rich or powerful someone is. They have more opportunity, sure, but it’s not like they’re forced to cheat and be scummy.
I don’t disagree, but I do believe the drive, success, ego it takes to get that rich, many times is an idicator of their personality in other matters as well.
With Gates, I always thought he was more nerd, than business mogul, but even nerds can be scummy
I didn’t realize there were pronouns to check on here, and I didn’t want to look foolish by assuming publicly, but I also assumed he was a man based on these comments.
When it happened to me, I was single and much, much younger. Still, the flattery was very much drowned out by the creep factor and the realization that I was now no longer free within that company. Had I been pursuing the situation, it would have been different, although in hindsight I would still feel that the person in power abused it by allowing the pursuit to escalate (this is all hypothetical, that never happened to me).
While it’s probably not categorically impossible for a superior to hit on a subordinate in way that is not abusive, I think it’s the exception to the rule. And I don’t think there is any way for the superior to know beforehand whether it is going to be that exception.
I lost a work friend, an FSA, after he repeatedly hit on my new hire. I had her turn him into HR. By far most of the powerful hitting on subordinates is about conquest not relationships or even sexual gratification.
Ok, I guess there’s a double standard here. That’s fine.
Not really. Like, at all. The problem does tend to go in one of the directions much more often though.
Ok, obviously logic doesn’t exist here either. That’s fine.
Ok - explain the double standard then.
ok, first explain why my pronouns mattered
There is a certain privilege that can come with being a male in regards to understanding sexual harassment in the workplace. Your comments indicated you might have such a privilege.
They didn’t. Being male sort of did because of the direction thing.
A female boss should not hit on male employees either, and the males shouldn’t be expected to be flattered if they do.
As a male speaking to you, your original post on this subject was complete crap - if that helps with the double standard thing.
so they didn’t, and they did. Great logic there
ok, male privilege, I’ll accept that
You can have whatever pronouns you want, regardless of gender or whatever else - so they didn’t. Pronouns were irrelevant.
An interesting aside. I assume both Lucy and NA are white, while I am a person of color. So two white people are calling a POC privileged. Interesting.
And I am Christian and Lucy is Jewish. I have privilege there in a lot of ways and she doesn’t. Privilege isn’t a binary state of being; a person can have privilege in one area and be marginalized in another.
Ok, so what if a powerful white male comes on to me, a marginalized male POC. Does my opinion still not matter because of male privilege?
It’s not that your opinion doesn’t matter. It’s just a really terrible opinion.
If you want to feel flattered go ahead. Expecting others to feel that way, not great.