The Spectacular 2024 Vinksin Vonksin GoActuary Wúnderbar NFL Full Season Pick’em Contest - now with extra cheesiness

In the hazy glow of a smoky room, where shadows dance to the rhythm of whispered secrets, we find our seasoned player: PatientZombie. With an overall record of 2387-1485-15, this grizzled veteran of the Pick’em world has seen it all, earning the crown in 2018 and playing through all 16 seasons like a true gumshoe. Leading the all-time standings by a razor-thin half game, PatientZombie’s predictions are the stuff of legend.

This year, he’s got his magnifying glass trained on the 49ers, pegging them for a flawless 17-0 season. As for the Patriots? He’s left them out in the cold at 0-17. In the smoky underworld of NFL predictions, PatientZombie remains the sleuth to beat.

PatientZombie’s Predicted Standings:

AFC East
Bills      12  5
Dolphins   12  5
Jets       11  6
Patriots    0 17

AFC North
Ravens     16  1
Bengals    13  4
Browns      7 10
Steelers    4 13

AFC South
Texans     13  4
Jaguars     9  8
Colts       6 11
Titans      1 16

AFC West
Chiefs     16  1
Chargers   12  5
Raiders     3 14
Broncos     1 16
NFC East
Cowboys    14  3
Eagles     13  4
Commanders  3 14
Giants      1 16

NFC North
Lions      16  1
Packers    12  5
Bears       8  9
Vikings     6 11

NFC South
Falcons    14  3
Buccaneers  8  9
Saints      6 11
Panthers    1 16

NFC West
49ers      17  0
Rams        9  8
Seahawks    5 12
Cardinals   3 14
1 Like

Sorry to pick on the new intern so early, but something seems amiss:

But since we’ve broken the intern seal, looking back PZ wasn’t the first issue:

[dan dierdorf repeating something he heard John madden say]
It’s preseason for the referees & interns, too.
[/matt millen]

1 Like

That was listed in the job posting – must fetch coffee & endure relentless ridicule & ribbing for every mishap.

1 Like

Resolved like a V7-I cadence.

I want to beat the Juneteenth date, but I have a feeling my picks this year will roll in around Labor Day… but now I’ve posted, so there’s that.

2 Likes

:popcorn:

I think I’m gonna race @TheArbitrary to get an entry in . . .

1 Like

:popcorn:

Model Solution (answers may vary):

Summary

Week 1;Ravens@Chiefs; Chiefs
Week 1 in São Paulo;Packers@Eagles; Eagles
Week 1;Steelers@Falcons; Falcons
Week 1;Cardinals@Bills; Bills
Week 1;Titans@Bears; Bears
Week 1;Patriots@Bengals; Bengals
Week 1;Texans@Colts; Texans
Week 1;Jaguars@Dolphins; Dolphins
Week 1;Panthers@Saints; Saints
Week 1;Vikings@Giants; Giants
Week 1;Raiders@Chargers; Chargers
Week 1;Broncos@Seahawks; Seahawks
Week 1;Commanders@Buccaneers; Buccaneers
Week 1;Cowboys@Browns; Browns
Week 1;Rams@Lions; Lions
Week 1;Jets@49ers; 49ers
Week 2;Bills@Dolphins; Dolphins
Week 2;Raiders@Ravens; Ravens
Week 2;Chargers@Panthers; Chargers
Week 2;Saints@Cowboys; Cowboys
Week 2;Buccaneers@Lions; Lions
Week 2;Colts@Packers; Packers
Week 2;Browns@Jaguars; Jaguars
Week 2;49ers@Vikings; 49ers
Week 2;Seahawks@Patriots; Seahawks
Week 2;Jets@Titans; Jets
Week 2;Giants@Commanders; Commanders
Week 2;Rams@Cardinals; Rams
Week 2;Bengals@Chiefs; Chiefs
Week 2;Steelers@Broncos; Steelers
Week 2;Bears@Texans; Texans
Week 2;Falcons@Eagles; Eagles
TheArbitrary’s Week 3;Patriots@Jets; Jets
TheArbitrary’s Week 3;Giants@Browns; Browns
TheArbitrary’s Week 3;Bears@Colts; Colts
TheArbitrary’s Week 3;Texans@Vikings; Texans
TheArbitrary’s Week 3;Eagles@Saints; Eagles
TheArbitrary’s Week 3;Chargers@Steelers; Steelers
TheArbitrary’s Week 3;Broncos@Buccaneers; Buccaneers
TheArbitrary’s Week 3;Packers@Titans; Packers
TheArbitrary’s Week 3;Panthers@Raiders; Raiders
TheArbitrary’s Week 3;Dolphins@Seahawks; Dolphins
TheArbitrary’s Week 3;Lions@Cardinals; Lions
TheArbitrary’s Week 3;Ravens@Cowboys; Cowboys
TheArbitrary’s Week 3;49ers@Rams; 49ers
TheArbitrary’s Week 3;Chiefs@Falcons; Chiefs
TheArbitrary’s Week 3;Jaguars@Bills; Bills
TheArbitrary’s Week 3;Commanders@Bengals; Bengals
Week 4;Cowboys@Giants; Cowboys
Week 4;Jaguars@Texans; Texans
Week 4;Saints@Falcons; Falcons
Week 4;Bengals@Panthers; Bengals
Week 4;Rams@Bears; Bears
Week 4;Vikings@Packers; Packers
Week 4;Steelers@Colts; Colts
Week 4;Broncos@Jets; Jets
Week 4;Eagles@Buccaneers; Buccaneers
Week 4;Commanders@Cardinals; Cardinals
Week 4;Patriots@49ers; 49ers
Week 4;Chiefs@Chargers; Chiefs
Week 4;Browns@Raiders; Browns
Week 4;Bills@Ravens; Ravens
Week 4;Titans@Dolphins; Dolphins
Week 4;Seahawks@Lions; Lions
Week 5;Buccaneers@Falcons; Falcons
Week 5 in London;Jets@Vikings; Vikings
Week 5;Panthers@Bears; Bears
Week 5;Ravens@Bengals; Bengals
Week 5;Bills@Texans; Texans
Week 5;Colts@Jaguars; Jaguars
Week 5;Dolphins@Patriots; Dolphins
Week 5;Browns@Commanders; Browns
Week 5;Raiders@Broncos; Broncos
Week 5;Cardinals@49ers; 49ers
Week 5;Packers@Rams; Rams
Week 5;Giants@Seahawks; Seahawks
Week 5;Cowboys@Steelers; Cowboys
Week 5;Saints@Chiefs; Chiefs
Week 6;49ers@Seahawks; 49ers
Week 6 in London;Jaguars@Bears; Jaguars
Week 6;Commanders@Ravens; Ravens
Week 6;Cardinals@Packers; Packers
Week 6;Texans@Patriots; Texans
Week 6;Buccaneers@Saints; Saints
Week 6;Browns@Eagles; Eagles
Week 6;Colts@Titans; Colts
Week 6;Chargers@Broncos; Broncos
Week 6;Steelers@Raiders; Steelers
Week 6;Falcons@Panthers; Falcons
Week 6;Lions@Cowboys; Cowboys
Week 6;Bengals@Giants; Bengals
Week 6;Bills@Jets; Jets
Week 7;Broncos@Saints; Saints
Week 7 in London;Patriots@Jaguars; Jaguars
Week 7;Bengals@Browns; Browns
Week 7;Titans@Bills; Bills
Week 7;Texans@Packers; Packers
Week 7;Eagles@Giants; Eagles
Week 7;Seahawks@Falcons; Falcons
Week 7;Dolphins@Colts; Dolphins
Week 7;Lions@Vikings; Vikings
Week 7;Panthers@Commanders; Commanders
Week 7;Raiders@Rams; Rams
Week 7;Chiefs@49ers; 49ers
Week 7;Jets@Steelers; Steelers
Week 7;Ravens@Buccaneers; Ravens
Week 7;Chargers@Cardinals; Cardinals
Week 8;Vikings@Rams; Rams
Week 8;Ravens@Browns; Browns
Week 8;Titans@Lions; Lions
Week 8;Colts@Texans; Texans
Week 8;Packers@Jaguars; Packers
Week 8;Cardinals@Dolphins; Dolphins
Week 8;Jets@Patriots; Jets
Week 8;Falcons@Buccaneers; Buccaneers
Week 8;Bears@Commanders; Bears
Week 8;Saints@Chargers; Chargers
Week 8;Bills@Seahawks; Seahawks
Week 8;Eagles@Bengals; Bengals
Week 8;Panthers@Broncos; Broncos
Week 8;Chiefs@Raiders; Chiefs
Week 8;Cowboys@49ers; 49ers
Week 8;Giants@Steelers; Steelers
Week 9;Texans@Jets; Texans
Week 9;Commanders@Giants; Giants
Week 9;Patriots@Titans; Titans
Week 9;Cowboys@Falcons; Falcons
Week 9;Dolphins@Bills; Bills
Week 9;Saints@Panthers; Panthers
Week 9;Raiders@Bengals; Bengals
Week 9;Colts@Vikings; Vikings
Week 9;Broncos@Ravens; Ravens
Week 9;Chargers@Browns; Browns
Week 9;Bears@Cardinals; Bears
Week 9;Rams@Seahawks; Seahawks
Week 9;Lions@Packers; Packers
Week 9;Jaguars@Eagles; Eagles
Week 9;Buccaneers@Chiefs; Chiefs
Week 10;Bengals@Ravens; Ravens
Week 10 in Munich;Giants@Panthers; Panthers
Week 10;Patriots@Bears; Bears
Week 10;Bills@Colts; Colts
Week 10;Vikings@Jaguars; Jaguars
Week 10;Broncos@Chiefs; Chiefs
Week 10;Falcons@Saints; Falcons
Week 10;49ers@Buccaneers; 49ers
Week 10;Steelers@Commanders; Commanders
Week 10;Titans@Chargers; Chargers
Week 10;Jets@Cardinals; Cardinals
Week 10;Eagles@Cowboys; Cowboys
Week 10;Lions@Texans; Texans
Week 10;Dolphins@Rams; Dolphins
Week 11;Commanders@Eagles; Eagles
Week 11;Packers@Bears; Bears
Week 11;Jaguars@Lions; Lions
Week 11;Raiders@Dolphins; Dolphins
Week 11;Rams@Patriots; Rams
Week 11;Browns@Saints; Saints
Week 11;Ravens@Steelers; Steelers
Week 11;Vikings@Titans; Titans
Week 11;Falcons@Broncos; Broncos
Week 11;Seahawks@49ers; 49ers
Week 11;Bengals@Chargers; Chargers
Week 11;Chiefs@Bills; Chiefs
Week 11;Colts@Jets; Jets
Week 11;Texans@Cowboys; Cowboys
Week 12;Steelers@Browns; Browns
Week 12;Chiefs@Panthers; Chiefs
Week 12;Patriots@Dolphins; Dolphins
Week 12;Titans@Texans; Texans
Week 12;Lions@Colts; Colts
Week 12;Cowboys@Commanders; Cowboys
Week 12;Buccaneers@Giants; Giants
Week 12;Vikings@Bears; Bears
Week 12;Broncos@Raiders; Raiders
Week 12;Cardinals@Seahawks; Seahawks
Week 12;49ers@Packers; Packers
Week 12;Eagles@Rams; Eagles
Week 12;Ravens@Chargers; Chargers
Week 13;Bears@Lions; Lions
Week 13;Giants@Cowboys; Cowboys
Week 13;Dolphins@Packers; Packers
Week 13;Raiders@Chiefs; Chiefs
Week 13;Seahawks@Jets; Jets
Week 13;Chargers@Falcons; Falcons
Week 13;Texans@Jaguars; Jaguars
Week 13;Cardinals@Vikings; Vikings
Week 13;Colts@Patriots; Patriots
Week 13;Titans@Commanders; Commanders
Week 13;Steelers@Bengals; Bengals
Week 13;Buccaneers@Panthers; Panthers
Week 13;Rams@Saints; Saints
Week 13;Eagles@Ravens; Ravens
Week 13;49ers@Bills; 49ers
Week 13;Browns@Broncos; Browns
Week 14;Packers@Lions; Lions
Week 14;Jets@Dolphins; Dolphins
Week 14;Falcons@Vikings; Vikings
Week 14;Saints@Giants; Giants
Week 14;Panthers@Eagles; Eagles
Week 14;Browns@Steelers; Steelers
Week 14;Raiders@Buccaneers; Buccaneers
Week 14;Jaguars@Titans; Jaguars
Week 14;Seahawks@Cardinals; Cardinals
Week 14;Bills@Rams; Rams
Week 14;Bears@49ers; 49ers
Week 14;Chargers@Chiefs; Chiefs
Week 14;Bengals@Cowboys; Cowboys
Week 15;Rams@49ers; 49ers
Week 15;Cowboys@Panthers; Cowboys
Week 15;Chiefs@Browns; Browns
Week 15;Dolphins@Texans; Texans
Week 15;Jets@Jaguars; Jets
Week 15;Commanders@Saints; Saints
Week 15;Ravens@Giants; Ravens
Week 15;Bengals@Titans; Bengals
Week 15;Patriots@Cardinals; Cardinals
Week 15;Colts@Broncos; Broncos
Week 15;Bills@Lions; Lions
Week 15;Buccaneers@Chargers; Chargers
Week 15;Steelers@Eagles; Eagles
Week 15;Packers@Seahawks; Seahawks
Week 15;Bears@Vikings; Bears
Week 15;Falcons@Raiders; Raiders
Week 16;Browns@Bengals; Bengals
Week 16;Texans@Chiefs; Chiefs
Week 16;Steelers@Ravens; Ravens
Week 16;Giants@Falcons; Falcons
Week 16;Patriots@Bills; Bills
Week 16;Cardinals@Panthers; Panthers
Week 16;Lions@Bears; Bears
Week 16;Titans@Colts; Colts
Week 16;Rams@Jets; Jets
Week 16;Eagles@Commanders; Eagles
Week 16;Broncos@Chargers; Chargers
Week 16;Vikings@Seahawks; Seahawks
Week 16;Jaguars@Raiders; Jaguars
Week 16;49ers@Dolphins; Dolphins
Week 16;Buccaneers@Cowboys; Cowboys
Week 16;Saints@Packers; Packers
Week 17;Chiefs@Steelers; Chiefs
Week 17;Ravens@Texans; Texans
Week 17;Seahawks@Bears; Bears
Week 17;Jets@Bills; Bills
Week 17;Titans@Jaguars; Jaguars
Week 17;Packers@Vikings; Packers
Week 17;Raiders@Saints; Saints
Week 17;Panthers@Buccaneers; Buccaneers
Week 17;Cowboys@Eagles; Eagles
Week 17;Dolphins@Browns; Browns
Week 17;Lions@49ers; 49ers
Week 17;Broncos@Bengals; Bengals
Week 17;Cardinals@Rams; Rams
Week 17;Chargers@Patriots; Patriots
Week 17;Colts@Giants; Colts
Week 17;Falcons@Commanders; Commanders
Week 18;Dolphins@Jets; Jets
Week 18;Browns@Ravens; Ravens
Week 18;Bengals@Steelers; Steelers
Week 18;Chiefs@Broncos; Chiefs
Week 18;Chargers@Raiders; Raiders
Week 18;Commanders@Cowboys; Cowboys
Week 18;Giants@Eagles; Eagles
Week 18;Bears@Packers; Packers
Week 18;Vikings@Lions; Lions
Week 18;Panthers@Falcons; Falcons
Week 18;Saints@Buccaneers; Buccaneers
Week 18;Bills@Patriots; Patriots
Week 18;Seahawks@Rams; Rams
Week 18;49ers@Cardinals; Cardinals
Week 18;Jaguars@Colts; Colts
Week 18;Texans@Titans; Titans
Which gender pronoun should I use to refer to you?; Male

1 Like

Welcome back to our esteemed champion from 2017 and 2019, Funemployed. With a commendable overall record of 2068-1294-13 (61.5%), he’s currently in 6th place on the all-time winners list and has secured a permanent spot in the Full Season Pick’em Hall of Fame. This year, he’s placing his bets on the Chiefs at 15-2, while predicting a rough season for the Titans and Patriots at 3-14. Always confident in his selections, Funemployed’s picks come with a hint of swagger. Let’s see if his “model” predictions set the pace this season or if, rather, his picks need more calibration.

FIVE COFP FOR YOU!!!

Funemployed’s Predicted Standings:

AFC East
Dolphins   12  5
Jets       10  7
Bills       6 11
Patriots    3 14

AFC North
Bengals    11  6
Browns     11  6
Ravens     10  7
Steelers    8  9

AFC South
Texans     12  5
Jaguars     9  8
Colts       8  9
Titans      3 14

AFC West
Chiefs     15  2
Chargers    8  9
Broncos     5 12
Raiders     4 13
NFC East
Cowboys    13  4
Eagles     13  4
Commanders  5 12
Giants      4 13

NFC North
Packers    12  5
Bears      11  6
Lions      10  7
Vikings     5 12

NFC South
Falcons    10  7
Buccaneers  7 10
Saints      7 10
Panthers    4 13

NFC West
49ers      14  3
Rams        8  9
Seahawks    8  9
Cardinals   6 11

In case there was any doubt…

YOU GET FIVE COFP!

YOU GET FIVE COFP!

:clock12:

Tick tock tick tock

Your chance to pick up FIVE juicy Change One Future Pick awards is quickly coming to a close.

Enter today! (or tomorrow, if you wish)

I still don’t use Tick Tock

1 Like

It’s just a bunch of people :dancer: and submitting picks to FSP.

Picks These Are

Chiefs
Eagles
Falcons
Bills
Bears
Bengals
Texans
Dolphins
Saints
Vikings
Chargers
Seahawks
Buccaneers
Browns
Lions
49ers
Bills
Ravens
Chargers
Cowboys
Lions
Packers
Jaguars
49ers
Patriots
Jets
Commanders
Rams
Chiefs
Broncos
Texans
Eagles
Jets
Browns
Bears
Texans
Eagles
Steelers
Buccaneers
Packers
Raiders
Dolphins
Lions
Ravens
49ers
Chiefs
Bills
Bengals
Cowboys
Texans
Falcons
Bengals
Bears
Packers
Steelers
Jets
Eagles
Cardinals
49ers
Chiefs
Browns
Ravens
Dolphins
Lions
Falcons
Jets
Bears
Ravens
Texans
Jaguars
Dolphins
Browns
Broncos
49ers
Packers
Seahawks
Cowboys
Chiefs
49ers
Bears
Ravens
Packers
Texans
Buccaneers
Eagles
Colts
Chargers
Steelers
Falcons
Lions
Bengals
Bills
Saints
Jaguars
Bengals
Bills
Packers
Eagles
Falcons
Dolphins
Lions
Commanders
Rams
49ers
Steelers
Ravens
Chargers
Rams
Ravens
Lions
Texans
Packers
Dolphins
Jets
Buccaneers
Bears
Chargers
Bills
Bengals
Broncos
Chiefs
49ers
Steelers
Texans
Giants
Titans
Cowboys
Bills
Saints
Bengals
Vikings
Ravens
Browns
Bears
Rams
Lions
Eagles
Chiefs
Ravens
Panthers
Bears
Bills
Jaguars
Chiefs
Falcons
49ers
Steelers
Chargers
Jets
Eagles
Texans
Rams
Eagles
Packers
Lions
Dolphins
Rams
Browns
Ravens
Vikings
Broncos
49ers
Bengals
Chiefs
Jets
Cowboys
Browns
Chiefs
Dolphins
Texans
Lions
Cowboys
Buccaneers
Bears
Broncos
Seahawks
49ers
Eagles
Ravens
Lions
Cowboys
Packers
Chiefs
Jets
Falcons
Texans
Vikings
Colts
Commanders
Bengals
Buccaneers
Rams
Ravens
49ers
Browns
Lions
Dolphins
Vikings
Giants
Eagles
Browns
Buccaneers
Jaguars
Cardinals
Bills
49ers
Chiefs
Cowboys
49ers
Cowboys
Chiefs
Texans
Jaguars
Saints
Ravens
Bengals
Cardinals
Broncos
Lions
Chargers
Eagles
Packers
Bears
Falcons
Bengals
Chiefs
Ravens
Falcons
Bills
Cardinals
Lions
Colts
Jets
Eagles
Chargers
Seahawks
Jaguars
49ers
Cowboys
Packers
Chiefs
Texans
Bears
Bills
Jaguars
Packers
Saints
Buccaneers
Eagles
Browns
49ers
Bengals
Rams
Chargers
Colts
Falcons
Dolphins
Ravens
Bengals
Chiefs
Chargers
Cowboys
Eagles
Packers
Lions
Falcons
Buccaneers
Bills
Rams
49ers
Jaguars
Texans
Male
In the words of Star Wars characters

1 Like

INT. REBEL BASE - BRIEFING ROOM - DAY

[Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, and Han Solo stand around a holo-projector. C-3PO and R2-D2 are nearby, and Chewbacca growls softly in the background.]

LUKE SKYWALKER: (looking at the holo-projector) A big welcome back to TheArbitrary, our champion from the years 2009, 2014, and 2015. He’s now embarking on his 16th epic journey.

PRINCESS LEIA: (smiling) Like a seasoned Jedi Master, TheArbitrary stands tall in second place in the All Time Standings, with an impressive record of 2387-1486-14 (61.5899%), trailing the leader by only a mere half game.

HAN SOLO: (grinning and crossing his arms) This season, TheArbitrary’s got some bold predictions. He’s betting on the 49ers to win all 17 of their battles, channeling their inner Force to dominate the gridiron.

C-3PO: (worriedly) Oh dear! On the darker side of the Force, he foresees the Titans, Patriots, Raiders, and Panthers facing 16 defeats each. Their campaigns will be marred by the challenges of the season.

CHEWBACCA: (roaring softly) Rrrr-ghhhrr!

LUKE SKYWALKER: (nodding) May the Force be with TheArbitrary as he navigates this season, striving for victory and aiming to restore balance to the standings!

[R2-D2 beeps affirmatively as the group looks on with determination.]

TheArbitrary’s Predicted Standings:

AFC East
Bills      12  5
Dolphins   10  7
Jets        9  8
Patriots    1 16

AFC North
Ravens     15  2
Bengals    13  4
Browns     10  7
Steelers    6 11

AFC South
Texans     14  3
Jaguars     9  8
Colts       4 13
Titans      1 16

AFC West
Chiefs     16  1
Chargers   10  7
Broncos     6 11
Raiders     1 16
NFC East
Eagles     15  2
Cowboys    11  6
Commanders  3 14
Giants      2 15

NFC North
Lions      15  2
Packers    13  4
Bears      11  6
Vikings     5 12

NFC South
Falcons    11  6
Buccaneers  9  8
Saints      5 12
Panthers    1 16

NFC West
49ers      17  0
Rams        9  8
Cardinals   4 13
Seahawks    4 13

INT. REBEL BASE - BRIEFING ROOM - DAY

[The group is still gathered around the holo-projector. R2-D2 beeps and whistles excitedly.]

C-3PO: (turning to R2-D2) What’s that, R2? Oh, I see. R2-D2 would like to announce that TheArbitrary has received five COFP awards.

[R2-D2 beeps and whistles again, more emphatically.]

C-3PO: (translating) Yes, indeed! Five “Change One Future Pick” awards. Quite an impressive feat, I must say.

HAN SOLO: (smiling) Looks like TheArbitrary’s got some extra firepower for the season.

PRINCESS LEIA: (nodding) May those awards serve him well on his path to victory.

LUKE SKYWALKER: (grinning) The Force is strong with this one.

[R2-D2 beeps proudly as the group shares a moment of camaraderie.]

2 Likes

Hmmm… I have a bad feeling about this:

:face_with_raised_eyebrow:

So . . . are you prognosticating some sort of strike to take place in Week 18?

Someone must’ve told him the odds.

1 Like