In the hazy glow of a smoky room, where shadows dance to the rhythm of whispered secrets, we find our seasoned player: PatientZombie. With an overall record of 2387-1485-15, this grizzled veteran of the Pick’em world has seen it all, earning the crown in 2018 and playing through all 16 seasons like a true gumshoe. Leading the all-time standings by a razor-thin half game, PatientZombie’s predictions are the stuff of legend.
This year, he’s got his magnifying glass trained on the 49ers, pegging them for a flawless 17-0 season. As for the Patriots? He’s left them out in the cold at 0-17. In the smoky underworld of NFL predictions, PatientZombie remains the sleuth to beat.
PatientZombie’s Predicted Standings:
AFC East
Bills 12 5
Dolphins 12 5
Jets 11 6
Patriots 0 17
AFC North
Ravens 16 1
Bengals 13 4
Browns 7 10
Steelers 4 13
AFC South
Texans 13 4
Jaguars 9 8
Colts 6 11
Titans 1 16
AFC West
Chiefs 16 1
Chargers 12 5
Raiders 3 14
Broncos 1 16
NFC East
Cowboys 14 3
Eagles 13 4
Commanders 3 14
Giants 1 16
NFC North
Lions 16 1
Packers 12 5
Bears 8 9
Vikings 6 11
NFC South
Falcons 14 3
Buccaneers 8 9
Saints 6 11
Panthers 1 16
NFC West
49ers 17 0
Rams 9 8
Seahawks 5 12
Cardinals 3 14