Yeah, my sister’s 1st grade teacher called my mom and said “I have to tell you that your daughter is gifted, though I can’t imagine why.”
My family basically survived on our standardized test scores.
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The school I went to in Canada had compulsory sports.
Was fantastic growing up in such a system.
I think physical activity should be compulsory for kids (exemptions can be granted if they have a physical disability that makes it problematic)
My 5th grader has math club on Wednesdays. They go in early and do some math-related stuff. There is a math Superbowl competition in May, but it’s optional and only the really high-performers are into the competition aspect. So it works well - there is an outlet for the more competitive students who thrive on that stuff, and some low-key math enrichment for the others.
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My school has standardized tests in which they would give back the tests all on the same day. As someone who was not academically gifted, that day was always the most mortifying day of the year. And no, it did not motivate me (or any of the other kids who did poorly) to do better next year.
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my kid has been accepted to the Early College Partnership program through the high school. He’s a sophomore now; next year he’ll start taking classes at the Community College nearby. In the next 2 years he’ll get all his required HS credits as well as an Associate’s Degree from the Comm. College, as well as the chance to take some cooking / restaurant management classes. Shortens his time in rather well-meaning but ultimately useless HS classese, while giving him opportunities to actually invest in the things he’s interested in. Seems like we should be encouraging this kind of vocational / pre-vocational training more, rather than just assuming college is the only way to have a decent life, so everybody must go and rack up $150 grand of debt in their young adulthood.
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Teens, man.
Our 11 year old went from a kid to a full blown teen in 2 seconds, and we inadvertently read some of his private text messages (it really was accidental, although we had told him that having a phone meant possible monitoring until he’s older), and he’s dropping f bombs with his friends and venting about how much he hates talking to his parents and how annoying it is that our bedroom is right next to his so he can’t get away from us…
It all sounds like typical teen stuff to me, as someone who also went through that. But my husband never had an emo hate my parents stage, so he is kind of freaking out. He is the default parent, so there was some stuff in there about how my son tries to avoid talking to his dad specifically as much as possible, and I know his feelings are pretty hurt right now.
I don’t know what’s typical in all this.
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It’s all typical. I swear my son values my opinion at zero and feels attacked when I talk to him despite best efforts to ensure that’s not the case. We are still good friends, that’s just the way some kids are. Falls under the older I get, the smarter my parents are mantra.
About all you can do is apologize and tell them it was inadvertent. And then move on. I’ve apologized to my kids before.
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Related story, was driving with my son and I told him to pick up my phone and call mom. Unsure of it was deliberate or not, but he read some of my texts to her.
I bet he regrets that now lol.
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I can relate, albeit at a different age. My 6 year old was being a big help and getting my 2 year old’s jacket on and he was being difficult so went to swing his arm and hit my 6 year old but I caught his arm in mid-air and sternly told him no. To which he cried and then when my wife comes over I hear him going “I don’t like Dada” and despite being the tough disciplinarian I’m in the other room all 
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It sounds typical???
I think dropping f-bombs is a rational decision to gain popularity. If my kid starts doing it, privately, I won’t stop her. She needs all the fucking help she can get.
Complaining about people in your life via text (phone, email, internet forum) is common, and not specific to teenagers. Especially, if those people significantly control your life. Doubly so, if you’re a kid who can’t fathom why those people control you. But, there are plenty of very similar stories of adults seeing each others texts/emails.
Finally, yes, teens are known to turn into hate monsters with no sense of control, who want to randomly kill themselves, their parents, their friends, and their significant others.
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From what I have seen with our kids (11 and 13) and friends, there is a pretty wide range of what is normal. What you describe does not seem atypical to me, but I fully admit it easy to say from here, and I would be hurt if I saw one of my kids texting similar things. Our older one does like to be alone in his room when he has free time (typically playing games online with his friends), so would not shock me to find out he has such complaints of us trying to talk to him.
Swearing seems very normal among middle school boys, that part would not phase me in the least.
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all of what you posted is typical enough. kids are more than our little experiments. they have their own thoughts, wants, and needs. we have input but not really control.
they use strong language a LOT bc the real words require too many characters (“hate” vs “don’t always like because it affords me less privacy”) or they might not know all the words yet. or they use it for shock value. or to fit in.
they do not like being called out or held accountable bc that is uncomfortable and embarrassing and is an affront to their own autonomy - all of which is relatable but adults have more experience and coping skills to process. adults can usually predict how being called out in this episode will end but kids lack experience to fully grasp it.
they will not likely turn out exactly like we planned or worked towards. we chart a direction but…they have o like it too. so do we like where they are heading and why? how we word the corrections matters. and as they age (teens now) we have to explain more (and carefully) and remain calmer.
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my HS daughter is an enormous potty mouth. as are her friends. i dngaf. i just say “language” and she ignores me.
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i guessed “momentum” would be the punchline, but still solid!
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I don’t have those coping skills. If my mom was like “your room is a mess” all the time, I’d be all STFU mom.
I actually think about this all the time-- when my wife chides or controls our kid, it often feels unjust or indignant. But she’s really just being an normal mom. Same with myself. On the scale of things, we’re both pretty loose with our kid, and loose with ourselves.
(Luckily our kid is content doing “good” things.)
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There has been an update!
My husband was talking with our son a few days ago (before we knew about this) specifically about why he has such an attitude with me. And our son told him that he doesn’t like my personality. My husband wasn’t going to tell me, because 1. what can a person even do about that? I don’t go out of my way to be obnoxious, baby I was born this way, and 2. he thought it was too hurtful to share.
So now we both get to feel personally hurt by this little punk’s comments!
The difference is that I think having your teen kids find you annoying is a badge of honor more than anything else. If my kids thought I was awesome at this age, I’d be worried that I was too focused on being their friend and not as focused on being their parent. But my husband, who was a dork who never found his parents embarrassing or wanted to push for independence from them, obviously feels quite differently about it all.
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This
When my daughter told me, “I hate you.” I knew I was a bona fide parent. Mind you, she was two or three yo at the time.
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I haven’t gotten the “I hate you” yet from any of my kids, but plenty of “you’re so annoying!” or “just leave me alone!” and “I don’t want you, go away, I want dad!!” So, I think there’s still plenty of time and opportunity to have my heart pulverized over and over by their words.
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Maybe this is why I never swore as a kid, never desired to, never really saw the appeal. I was a verrrrry wordy kid, loved those adverbs and adjectives, had a pretty decent vocabulary and a lot of creativity. And a thesaurus.
As an adult, I have leaned into the cursing far more, although the f-bomb is one I pretty much never drop in conversation, and rarely online. I don’t have the brain cells to be more creative at this point.
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