I wasn’t aware there’s any hatred in this thread. There are people being wrong though.
Seperate finances is smart money. It likely protects you in the event of a marital breakdown, and ensures people have a semblance of control.
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I suppose the same people also find prenups to be a stupid concept.
I’ve observed, in this thread and in general, most people who are against combining finances are either beyond a first marriage and had a bad experience with combining finances, or otherwise assume they won’t be with their partner for their lifetime. Or they are in open relationships.
Not in every case, and if they want to keep that protection for themselves in a committed marriage then fine. It just seems like a headache to be, “I pay the electric bill and you pay the phone and we’ll sort out credit cards at the end of the month.”
Once bitten…
So, yeah, I advise choosing partners wisely in the first place.
That seems like less of a headache to me, especially if you’re transitioning from single life to coupled life.
It’s worked well for us (the ex).
We don’t really question what’s fair or not. It’s like going out to dinner. You get one, I get the next. You get Netflix, I get hulu. You get cable, I get internet. We each also buy a lot of shit that’s for ourselves, not for the other person, mixing finances would just be weird.
That’s a contradiction in terms. I’d bet I am not the only one to read that and interpret it as “It (separate finances, that is) worked well as the first step in our eventual divorce”
We got married young, and combined our meager finances at the time. Everything has been joint ever since. I do the investing, taxes, etc. We both spend whatever we want, because we are not very disciplined.
She once asked to discuss our financial situation, but when I pulled open my spreadsheet to show her, she decided I clearly was taking it seriously enough and she did not actually need to know.
Our split had nothing to do with our finances. I doubt the whole “we’re in this together financially” thing has any negative correlation with divorce rates.
For us, it’s not even a thing that we think about. We both make 6 figures and around the same amount. Maybe if one of us didn’t work it makes sense.
If family finances are a large part of happiness in the family, or even a limitation to happiness, I can see how it would be important to combine finances in some manner.
In our case, our work was meant to cover three things: 1. A lifestyle that we like, B. Savings for future/retirement, and III. Personal enjoyment. We “knew” when we got married, that 1 wasn’t going to be a problem, we were both avid savers so B was going to be taken care of, and importantly, we had different ideas of what was worth spending on for personal enjoyment (with the except of both agreeing on cruises). Had we combined finances, it wouldn’t have changed 1 or B, but III would have caused some sighs and eye-rolls.
This was both of our first marriages/long-term relationship. I won’t say that all 15+ yrs have been wedded bliss, but once we figured out mutual expectations in the first year, we haven’t had a negative financial discussion.
It would likely work better with similar incomes, especially if spending habits are similar.
I make a decent bit more than Partner, but I’m not going to give them an “allowance” or outspend them, or watch my accounts get bigger than theirs, so it makes everything easier.
I read it as, “Some people enter relationships knowing that they will end, so combining finances is a bad idea.”
And, for the first couple of years, sure, that’s reasonable thinking.
I’m on being married 30+ years, though. My view is going to be not applicable to others. Also, if I were to think pessimistically, the finances part is trivial compared with the house equity/debt. Most of the stuff in our house would be sold at a yard sale, as neither of us will want to move it.
Pessimistically, of course.
I’ve read that finances are actually the number 1 reason behind divorces.
probably has more to do with income inequality than whether or not finances are combined.
More that it’s not something that was even something to decide on. It has value only if you subscribe to the mentality that “we must do this and that to show that we’re really in a committed relationship!”. I mean, sure, everyone has their checklist for what counts as commitment. This isn’t one of them for me/us.
I think it is when money is tight people argue - “you spend too much”, “you don’t earn enough”.- gambling, stock market…
Nothing to do with how finances are handled int he household.
You do you.
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This is what has worked for me, but keep in mind we have lived well within our means
- Joint name on all accounts and credit cards;
- All paychecks deposited into main checking account, where all bills are paid from, the vast majority of bills are auto-paid.
- All parties max out 401k contributions
- Monthly savings allocated into both long term and short term savings as a priority (LT at Schwab accounts of mutual funds and ETFs, ST into bank savings account for big ticket items like cars, furniture, vacations, home remodeling, etc)
- All CCs paid off monthly. I havn’t paid 10 cents worth of CC interest in over 30 years. Last few cars have been bought for cash, not financed. Also, home repairs/remodeling done without use of loans. Paying interest does not make us happy.
- Annual budgets are always created, discussed, agreed to, followed, balanced, reviewed and enjoyed. Budget items include all regular spending categories but also separate his & her line items above and beyond regular household expenses and can be used on anything desired. Also, small amounts of cash evenly distributed regularly to both parties so that tiny expenses (under $20) can be dealt with without using the credit cards (ie lunch money, coffee, beer money, girl scout cookies, kids-need-money-for-school items, fantasy football, poker games, etc)
- Anything that would require dipping into savings accounts or that goes beyond the “his” or “her” accounts would be discussed, not to get “permission” but just as a natural part of sharing “one” mutual life together: where to go on vacation? next car van or suv? what should we look for to replace a failing appliance? how should we spend our entertainment budget?
is it time for new furniture? my laptop is dying so I’m gonna need a new one pretty soon
In our case we were so young when we got married and we had no assets so there was no reason not to comingle. We each do have smallish separate accounts but they are so small I didn’t think to mention them.
but was there a reason to comingle? Anything beyond “this means I love you”