We have joint accounts with 2 very small accounts for “fun money,” which at this point seem dumb, but pre-COVID helped me not spend too much on lunches out. Financial decisions are also joint as far as the $$ amount, although I make the investment decisions as far as where the money goes. I pay the bills too, but at this point most everything is autopay, so there’s not much to do. We don’t have a set cut off for mentioning big purchases, but we’re not big spenders, so amounts >$200 come up in conversation naturally as we’re thinking about whether we want to spend x amount on something. For bigger things like a car, I can’t even fathom one of us shopping for something like that without the other person, not just because of the money involved, but also to make sure that the car is a good fit for the family overall. We drive our cars for years and years though, so it’s a very long term decision.
3 checking accounts
- Joint. This pays all the bills, food, kids crap, etc
- My account. This goes towards my “fun stuff”. Sports tickets, gambling, golf, etc
- Her account. This goes towards her “fun stuff”. Clothes, crafts, girls nights, etc
We don’t have a big difference in income (she makes slightly more than me), so we both throw in X% of our pay into the joint and 1-X% of our pay into our individual. And a couple times a year we will “rebalance” and move $ from individual to joint if individual gets too high.
Also we have investment accounts that draw $Y monthly out of our joint.
I think I would have made the same car choice had I waited long enough (after moving to the U.S.) to allow SO to have a say in the decision. It was sort of a gift to myself & from money saved before we got together, but also a Charger is surprisingly kid friendly with the width + 4 doors.
I did consider a lower model at one point because SO said something along the lines of leaving room for a down payment for a house in my cash stockpile - but in the end it was my dollars and I went with the model I really wanted. No regerts.
I kinda love learning more about people here over time. Did not expect Tiffany to be in a Charger - the anime catgirl skewed expectations.
Yeah, pre-marriage I spent whatever I wanted. I kept him in mind when it was clear we were going to be long term (bought a car that he would be comfortable driving), but it was not at the same level as it is now that we’re fully entrenched. 
Both of us are very laid back people though, so the differences between now and then are pretty slight. I don’t really think about it until answering questions like these honestly.
Husband and I have separate checking accounts and credit cards. When it comes to paying rent, since we both have accounts on the resident portal, we split 50/50. We alternate the internet and electricity bill each month as well as taking turns paying for groceries.
Ex and I owned the house 50/50. Didn’t mix any other finances. Except maybe some subscriptions here and there.
I am surprised by the number of people here whose definition of “wedded bliss” excludes completely comingled finances.
what exactly is blissful about comingled finances
First of all, I’d say things like trust, an underlying sense of camaraderie, a sense of “oneness” in the relationship, the act of sharing goals and achievements, not to mention the sense of equality and reciprocity
Agreed.
And these compatibility questions should be answered before the commingling of finances commences.
Also agreed.
It’s also nice to not have to talk about money all that much. Bills come in, they get paid. There’s no “you owe me $x” or “can you pay this bill”, it just gets done.
I’ve also known a lot of couples who never talked about money and that became their relationship’s demise (secret debt, out of control spending), but that’s not how it is for us, and it works well. We are on the same page as far as spending and saving go, and it’s nice to not have to figure out how things are split. Mr. NA doesn’t work right now but I don’t expect that will always be the case, and it would be weird for me to have a discussion of “I need you to pay the electric bill this month.”
you mean equity.
comingled finances is the opposite of equality
I’ve also known couples where having shared finances was causing them MORE stress, so they decided to go separate, and that works for them. Whatever works, works. For us, combined finances are great and help our relationship.
While I don’t get having separate finances for married couples, I don’t get to decide what makes sense for others. So while it seems odd for me, what I do may be odd for others. Also, it is none of my business what others do. FTR, we share everything except one CC each. SO handle almost all finances other than retirement accounts. Works for us, may not work for others.
No, I meant equality, as in each partner giving 100% of themselves to the relationship, and measuring success in life as a mutual assessment of combined happiness. That doesn’t mean each partner makes the exact same salary.
uh huh…I suppose if you want to define it in a completely unquantifiable way, sure.
Some concepts are anathema to some people.
not only that, but also sometimes people really hate other people’s ideas
ETA: This was meant as a lighthearted joke centered on the premise that I did not know the meaning of anathema and redefining it in other words:
a·nath·e·ma
/əˈnaTHəmə/
noun
- something or someone that one vehemently dislikes