Putting yourself in a home so you don't die alone

Okay statistically, I’ll probably die before my spouse because women tend to outlive men, or whatever. But in the event that I don’t, I’ll have to figure out my own near-end-of life situation, assuming I don’t have children who can do it for me. That kind of freaks me out.

Would you ever put yourself in a nursing home so you can have some friends and you don’t die alone? Or what about my wife if I die first? Have any of you or your SO made plans for this? Every nursing home I’ve been to seems to have a piano in it, so I’d be okay I think.

How about the standard AO plan of m/s?

yes, the thought of this freaks me out.

but ooooh, they have pianos in those places? nice! i’d miss my piano.

Maybe consider a CCRC? You could have your own apartment in a group setting with the ability to move into other types of care settings as your needs change.


Yeah, I would definitely consider a retirement community. Nobody goes into a nursing home for buddies. Nursing homes are for people who can’t take care of their basic daily needs anymore.

Yeah, my parents are in an assisted living place and the problem they have is people keep dying. You’d need to keep making new friends at a decent pace to avoid the alone part.

Also, in covid times, the place is in a semi-lockdown and people pretty much avoid other people.

My grandmother loved her retirement home. She moved in despite her kids being very opposed.

But she had lots of friends there and there was lots to do… especially as she was no longer able to go about her regular routine.

When she moved in she still had her Saturday night symphony tickets and drove herself in town. Then she had to switch to the matinee series as she couldn’t drive at night. Then she stopped driving and had to take the retirement community shuttle to the symphony, or sometimes a taxi. Eventually it got to the point where she wasn’t leaving the home. But they had performers come in. Not big-city-symphony-quality performers, but performers.

There were regular bridge games and she had people to watch Jeopardy and baseball with.

She liked it much better than being home alone. It was a pretty nice place. Not perfect, but pretty nice.

I think there’s a difference between a nursing home and assisted living. If you’re going into a nursing home, it won’t be by choice I suspect. Assisted or retirement homes, they’re fine from what I’ve seen. Lots of community activity, lots of social stuff. Great if you like that.

My mother is fortunate, she’s moved in with my sister and her husband in a rural home. She’ll probably die there, I think that’s her expectation. The three of them alternate between Picking at each other, doting on each other, and seeing who can smoke the most cigarettes in a day.

My wife, if she’s the last one, will probably live alone until she can’t. Then I expect my daughter will take her in, they’re very close.

Well it depends on where you start. The appeal of my grandmother’s place was that they had Independent Living, Assisted Living, and a Skilled Nursing Facility all on site.

She went back & forth from her apartment to the SNF a few times and then towards the end she was in the SNF full time and eventually gave up the apartment.

So she knew from the day she moved in which nursing home she’d be at whenever the need arose. She basically did choose the place and it was ok as nursing homes go.

They still had activities for the folks there, much to my surprise including volleyball! They played with a balloon! Hey, it’s what those folks could do. Better than staying in bed all day.

We had to put my dad in a nursing home because his dementia was getting too much for my mom to handle. There were regular activities, musicians would come by, the food was decent and the care was pretty good. Maybe I should put my name on their waiting list for when my time comes. :man_in_manual_wheelchair:

We’re looking at the options for my mom. Right now we have home aids staying with her, because covid. But after she and most elderly people and caretakers are vaccinated, we may move her to a facility. I think it would be cheaper, and she’s have more company.

Sadly, we may need to look into memory care places.

my grandfather moved him and his wife to a nursing home the year before he died.

Looking back, I think he knew he was dying and wanted to get her into a home before he passed.

10 years later my grandmother has a tiny apartment in a building with lots of other older women. They eat meals together and sit down in the living area for conversation every night. There is a chapel where they gather every week as well and I think they all take turns working at the little store as a means to stay active and social. They also have a movie night where they watch 1940’s movies. note this is all pre covid.

Overall, it kinda worked out well for her. She doesnt feel like a burden on anyone and has a decent day to day lifestyle. Her son (my uncle) bought her old house so she was happy to keep it in the family.

The actual moving to the home was very hard iirc. very sad undertone to the whole process. It takes a lot for someone to admit to themselves they have reach the end stage of life.

That’s what my stepmother is doing. She’s very social so new friends is not an issue, though seeing old friends die is a drawback. It’s a really nice place, lots of activities and good food. If I can afford it at that age I’d move to a place like that, but at the same time I wouldn’t mind being alone.