No Turning Back - a story of overcoming my fears at Home Depot

The Sandbox General
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The day began like any other. Peaceful. Quiet. But for a little rumble in my tummy. A busy day of home Renovations to do. I get my list together and drive 15 minutes south. I’m pushing my little cart in home depot and feel a touch gassy. Nothing out of the ordinary. And nothing that a little “fart and cart” can’t fix. “Fart and cart” is my method where I openly fart in a Home Depot (as quietly as I can) but gently keep moving through the aisle so that no one can pinpoint where it came from. It’s inspired by crop dusting but must be performed in a busy home supplies store.

Well I knew I had made an irreversible mistake when I felt a hot baja blast hit the south wall of my Levis. This was more than just a fart. I stop in my tracks. The level of disappointment in myself is almost equal to the day I realized that no one knew or cared about what associate actuary meant no matter how many times I brought it up on dates. I’ve shit my pants in public many times before this. I’ve handled crises before. But this time was different. I felt older. Wiser. So I made a decision.

It’s time to stop running in fear. It’s time to stand up. I drove 15 minutes to get here and I wasn’t going to turn back like a coward. I’m going to finish shopping and then I’m going to clean up the mess. So that’s what I did. I smiled at people as I strolled by. I flirted with the girl at the self check out. The ultimate power move.

And as I drove home sitting in what felt like a cold plate of sphagetti, I knew something special had happened that day. I was entering a new chapter of my life. I was ready to slide on the adult diapers of my golden years without shame. Without fear.

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Why not go into the bathroom, clean up and throw your underwear away? Or we’re going commando?

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  • Why not go into the bathroom, clean up and throw your underwear away? Or we’re going commando?

Because that’s what cowards do. And yes I was wearing underwear. I had an easy way out. And I chose the hard way because it was the path least traveled.

“He who is not everyday conquering some fear has not learned the secret of life.”
–Ralph Waldo Emerson

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You know, they have a whole aisle full of toilets.

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this was more of a shop vac situation

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They have those, too. Could’ve asked for a demonstration from one of the orange bibs

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Or those stacks of orange buckets.

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If there’s any key mistake one can make at a home depot, its asking one of these junior enforcers a question about anything.

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I regret clicking on this.

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:rofl:

:laughing:

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Your next fear to conquer right there. Just gaze deeply into the eyes of the woman working the paint counter and let loose.

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Reminds me of this story:

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For some reason every time I walk into Office Depot or I guess a bookstore I get the urge to poop.

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This is a known phenomenon most commonly associated with bookstores and libraries. Mariko Aoki phenomenon - Wikipedia.

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Kink unlocked

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just make sure it’s not a smoothie

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My work here is done