That’s great. And the comment about the cats is a feeling that people for whom anti-depressants work often find.
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Thanks for keeping track and letting us (hopefully others close to you) know what is / you are feeling better.
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Didn’t sleep much at all Thursday night, woke up before 4 AM. I have been generally sleeping better, often at least 6 hours, just not last night.
Stomach wasn’t feeling well, the family left dirty dishes in the living room which is a pet peeve of mine (double ADHD, to be fair), I’m stressed about some stuff I need to get done right after work, trash and recycling are full, a lot of things to be negative about.
Also, as I take out the trash I realize it’s finally not bitterly cold at this time of morning. I might start doing morning runs in a few weeks. Outdoor work will be a pain but this year I’m kind of excited to do a better job tending the garden. I’m excited for some activities this weekend. Work shouldn’t be hard today and I’m feeling set up for next week. Waking up early means I can get the chores done, set up a slow cooker meal to be ready tonight, maybe tackle some small project I’ve been putting off.
I described the feeling not like suddenly being happy or feeling something new. It’s like being at the optometrist, A or B, 3 or 4? and you’re not always sure but maybe this one is a little clearer? And over time it does seem sharper. I searched for the words to describe the feeling I’ve had a few times, where I feel that filter flipping, and evanescence is actually the best fit - “the fleeting, almost ghostly feeling of a moment returning.” Like I’m remembering how I once was.
I’m not Depressed or Not Depressed, and it’s not exactly a slider from one to the other where I’m 60% better today, but I’m somewhere better than before. I didn’t forget how to be happy… But it’s like happiness was dampened, with an overall ceiling, and it took a lot more energy just to keep closer to that ceiling.
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Antidepressants seem to be working well. We’re going to try bumping me up from the minimum 10mg to 15mg, which is a small step. I’m struggling to tell whether that will be helpful, or I just need to keep pushing through my mental state, but the doc said I can just step back down if I want. I call pushing through it brute-forcing, my doctor calls it “using healthy coping skills.” Whichever you want to call it. If I find myself getting too sad and having dark thoughts, I basically go fucking walk or run a mile or two and do crunches and pushups until failure, then repeat until the sad goes away. (I’m expanding my routine, it’ll be balanced.)
I find I have a lot more motivation to actually do things. I’ve decided that it will never be easier to really get into shape, and the more I do now the easier things will stay. And if it puts happy chemicals into my brain, all the better. I’ve quit some bad habits, lost about 5 pounds since starting the drugs. I find myself just smiling a lot more.
It’s definitely nicer to live life now.
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A lap around my neighborhood is ~ 2 miles. I enjoy doing this at least once a day, and on top of the other steps I get, gets me to 10k a day, and at that level, I can relax on my diet a bit without gaining weight.
But there are days when my mind is running, and I am unhappy/stressed/anxious or whatever. That’s a second lap, sometimes a third lap, or sometimes I need drive 10 minutes to get a change of scenery on a park trail. I find it does help.
I need to run more, that usually has a stronger effect on the first lap.
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An interesting result.
I was in a bad mood today, and knocked myself at least partially out of it by noticing how nice it was to be in a bad mood, and not in a depressive funk.
I have several good reasons to be annoyed. I’m stressed out by some situations and frustrated with some people.
But… life is good. People aren’t perfect, and the things that need to be handled will be handled. Some will be annoying, some will be expensive, but we have time and money to handle them. This isn’t causing me to spiral into depression, though I’m not feeling the most stable.
Interesting to be able to just be in a bad mood and, by contrasting it against depression, reduce it at least a bit.
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I thought they meant “jabs” like insults and such.