Without detracting from the proposed obituary, what about DST?
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And the various leap seconds that have been added.
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I’d eat that sushi.
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I’m reminded of some sushi my sister made. I don’t remember exactly, but I think it was rice crispy treats and Swedish fish wrapped in fruit roll ups.
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It really should have been scaled, fileted, and cut into thin slices, but I guess I’m old school. 
Lol. My parent’s are older than that. I spent about a half hour just last night with my parents, trying to explain how to make a cell phone call on their basic flip phone. 1) turn on the phone (they don’t keep it on - they seem to think it’s only for emergencies) by holding the red power button 2) type in the phone number and hit the green button 3) hang up by pushing the red button 4) turn it off by holding the red button, then pushing “OK”. We ended up with a cheat sheet I wrote and stuck in the phone.
I guess since they think it’s for emergencies, I could have reduced it to steps 1 and 2 and left off the hanging up and turning off part. In retrospect, those seem unnecessary in an emergency.
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I may not explain my jokes, but here – this guy will explain a Sumerian “dog walks into a bar…” joke
https://twitter.com/LinManuelRwanda/status/1505646738627088389
Where do I get one??
This is not an endorsement: https://www.etsy.com/search?q=there%20is%20no%20reason%20for%20you%20to%20be%20here%20doormat
