Agree with DTNF up until this part - you could be the most grammatically correct person ever and still be a crap writer.
The key to writing a good business email (easiest place to start): know your reader.
Ask yourself these questions before writing your email:
Who is your intended reader? Tailor the level of detail to your audience (generally the more senior, the less detail they want - however - they also want useful information, SUMMARY statistics - they don’t want to analyze your data to make their own conclusions. Tell them your conclusion, spell it out for them like they are five, with simple support statistics that contain the details they need. You’re not trying to prove to them you do good work - you are telling them a fact in order to get some desired response.
What is your objective? If you don’t have any objective other than “look at this rad stuff I did”, don’t send an email. Have an actual objective.
What message are you trying to get across to your reader? Start with that, highlight it - everything else is just supporting information, or ugh, fluff. (Get rid of the fluff on proofread).
Is there any action you want the reader to take? State this, highlight it, put a date on it, follow up on it.
If you were reading this email (as the reader), what kind of follow up questions would you ask? Try to anticipate these questions ahead of time, and include the answers in your email (this is the non-fluff).
Subject lines …are important, don’t mess this part up. Be clear, be succinct. Highlight the objective -and- the actions you require. It’s not rocket appliances.