Lol. I suspect they taste like plastic because each slice spends so much time sitting next to plastic, and they absorb some of the plasticizers. But i used to eat American cheese, and stopped when it started being packaged that way because i thought it tasted so gross. I still have a fondness for Velveeta, although i don’t buy it.
OMG, 2 eggs scrambled with a slice of Kraft Singles, the cheese melted but the eggs still slightly runny. My favorite breakfast.
My thing about American cheese is that there are so many better tasting cheeses, I never find myself wanting it. Grilled cheese is better with a lot of other cheese options, even. My kids didn’t grow up with American cheese so now when they have it, they find it pretty unsavory.
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Most tasty cheeses taste good because they’ve gone through fermentation.
We love fermented food, wine, chocolate, coffee, soy…mmm
This. Another great use of that actuary money is to buy nicer cheeses than American singles. (Though I still buy Tillamook Monterey Jack or Sharp Cheddar in bulk-bricks at Costco.)
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Fermented coffee? You mean like Kahlua??? 
I looked it up: sounds interesting!!!
I am very picky about my cheese. Tillamook is the only US cheese I have ever eaten (after a factory visit). I have to admit their aged cheddar was as good as that from the cheese factory that our Ontario farm sent its milk to. Still load up on cheese there when we visit Ontario family. BC cheddar not generally in the same league as Ontario’s.
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Tillamook is good, but I’ve had better cheese in both Vermont and Wisconsin.
I’m typically a bit of a cheese snob. More often than not, if I’m buying bleu cheese it’ll be Roquefort. We got through a fair amount of mimolette and aged Gouda.
But if I’m making a burger or grilled cheese, I mostly just want American cheese. Normally that’s Kraft deli deluxe. Schreiber makes a solid American cheese but I can’t find it near me.