Created a spinoff thread rather than make Random Thoughts less random.
I don’t know. Especially if the age gap is very wide, doesn’t it put the younger partner in the awkward position down the road of basically being the other’s nurse while still having some vitality left themselves?
lol…my quoted response here was about PB&J M&M’s, but I’m always happy to be included.
BUT my husband is 8.5 years older than me, so we may have an age gap relationship, so I’m not in principle opposed to them, unless it’s predatory/grooming.
oooooops 
they were okay, but i wouldn’t get them again. It would be good if the chocolate quality were better, but it doesn’t work as an M&M.
I guess the conversation could use a working definition of “age gap relationship.” Based on the video shorts I see about them, it seems to be age gap of 15-20+ years.
Based on that logic, “normal” people shouldn’t marry those with some level of handicap.
And what is wrong with the idea of taking care of your partner no matter what may happen? To me, the situation you describe is probably one of the best ways to demonstrate love.
FTR, my wife has cerebral palsy.
True. And my faith tells me that I know I should be okay with that idea.
Maybe I’m just a little jaded since my previous marriage was an age gap relationship – about 15 year difference – and that epically failed (for reasons that looking back I would say were mostly nobody’s fault). Although oddly enough, she was the one with more health problems, but I would have endured if she would have allowed me to.
I guess it’s not fair to assume that every such relationship is either a death sentence or being done for unwholesome reasons.
I think the important thing is that the relationship involves giving love (and some desiring love too, but that tends to be more easily found.)
Age gaps can involve power dynamics that make it harder to identify this love.
True, the younger partner is more likely to have to care for the older partner in old age, and then will be left alone. But they often also benefit from the older person’s age in other ways. Ultimately, though, if you love a person then caring for them when they are very sick can be self affirming, even if it can be draining too.
I will say that the Eagles’ Lyin’ Eyes is one example of where an age-gap can be problematic when the relationship is done for the wrong reasons: the younger (historically female) partner marrying into a financially stable arrangement but ends up missing a critical element of a relationship that is just as important (maybe more so?) as the financial stability.
The rule is half your age + seven years. (I think you can round down?)
And avoiding any relationships with minors here are some calcuations:
Age/min age of partner
22/18
25/19
30/22
35/24
40/27
50/32
55/34
60/37
etc
What if it’s consensual / instigated by the younger party? Asking for a friend, by the way.
[There’s a tangent for this about one of my friends who’s ~55 and is only attracted to 18-19 year old skinny blondes, but that’s a topic for another time.]
The younger person could be a predator as well
On the prowl for an inheritance
Anyways any large discrepancy will raise eyebrows
One regular hand and a hook for your other hand
One super fat ugly bum with a smoking hot babe
I know I am nosey but the question that comes to mind is “how did this happen?”
Quagmire: “hey Meg, 18 yet?”
I think we would first need to align on what “consensual” means in this context. An 18 year old can consent legally to all of this, but can they really appreciate the situation they’re in? That’s an extreme example, and not all age gap relationships involve newly adulted people, but the ones I have an issue with often do.
It’s not a legal issue to me, but an ethical one. A person who is always and ONLY attracted to very young people is, in my opinion, actually attracted to the ability to manipulate someone very inexperienced into believing that their methods are healthy and normal when they are not. Also, someone who is constantly lusting after (and pursuing) 18 year olds is likely even more attracted to minors, but this is as close as they’re allowed to get without breaking the law.
The younger person has a lot of power in the relationship, often by way of their looks and youth, which is in itself an attractive quality. And they are aware of what they bring to the dynamic. And they can also certainly be a predator in their own right.
But the older person is far more likely to be abusive. They often control the purse strings, so the younger person can’t leave even if they want to.
Every dynamic is unique, of course. But I’m super wary of the trope of the rich guy with the hot barely pubescent woman, because the power each person has is often incredibly imbalanced, even though they do both have some. Who is more likely to have a support network and influential friends on their side? Who is more likely to have control of the assets? Who is more likely to have curated the entire living arrangement and have demands of the other?
I have always been with women older than me. Not because I preferred women older than me, but because I just found women younger than me…a bit too immature for my tastes.
But I see what you’re implying about my wife.
i think more eyebrows would be raised if an average asian male was dating a super hot blonde female. because racism
I guess I get kudos for being in a relationship where we have one month’s difference in age.
Rate: They also said that artificial sweeteners were safe, and WMDs were in Iraq, and Anna Nicole married for love!
I’ll let Mrs. Hoffman - who’s about 8 months younger - know you tipped me off that she really only married me because she was looking for an older man with a likely inheritance.
Which, is entirely plausible. Boy is she in for a surprise.