Last night was a 2 1/2 hour call untangling all kinds of stuff, and it’s another reminder how angry I am at their mom for mentally fucking them up.
m called last night, we had to fill out paperwork from one of the credit card issuers on fraud. OK, no big deal, we get through that pretty easily. Then we get to talking about other stuff and m talks about M talking to the POSF about money and it makes m uncomfortable. [Note: m has zero relationship with the POSF because of past comments and actions of POSF, especially as the mom is dying], m asks if we know about it and if we condone it. Our position is “when he says he’s going to give you money, push him on it - if he doesn’t, you’re no worse off; if he does, that’s a bonus.”
This turns into a discussion of their relationship with POSF’s parents, who are the grandparents they never had and the twins have a really close relationship with, and their fears about losing that because of POSF. And that turns into a discussion of how m is more independent and has dealt more with losing their mom, while M is much more dependent and hasn’t dealt much with losing their mom, and talking to POSF gives them a connection to how things used to be because living in that fantasy world is better than dealing with reality. Which, that might have been OK, and then Mrs. Hoffman had about a 30-minute speech and ripped all the band-aids off and m became completely apologetic about being a burden, causing us problems, upsetting us, … the whole gammut. And then I spent about the back hour of the call trying to walk m down by repeatedly showing how they’re not a burden, we really do love them, we’re in this for the long haul, etc.
So, I’ll get to spend this week trying to undo some of that and trying to undo the mental trauma their mom inflicted with no one will love you as much as I do, no one else will want you if you leave type comments we know she made to them.