I always assumed you were cis-lunar.
Itās really easy to imagine that the sexual-desire and sexual-repulsion I feel towards men and women were flipped. (Not to say thatās exactly the same thing.)
The thing that makes gender dysphoria hard for me to imagine is that the preference isnāt there in the first place. Thereās nothing to flip.
I think I could draw a gender dysphoric person in my mind okay, but itās definitely an act of imagination, rather than one of familiarityā¦
While I am straight, it is very easy to conceptualize being gay. People are attracted naturally to whatever they desire.
Thereās certainly a lot of biphobia in society from both straight AND gay people who canāt conceive of it as a possibility.
Are you your ideal body shape? Are you perfectly happy with what you see in the mirror? Your hair is perfect? Is there anything you would snap your fingers and change if you could?
Does that thing you want to change UPSET you in a fundamental way? Tension around the gut/shoulders from āugh, the person I see is not the person I feel like?ā.
Thatās the best explanation I can have for the sensation, I suppose.
We have no children, but weāre very muchā¦ the opposite, ha. I have the more nurturing personality overall, and Iām much more touch-seeking than she is.
I donāt see getting hair plugs, a tummy tuck, or a nose job as being remotely in the same order of magnitude as being transgender. Maybe I want to lose a few pounds at times and work out more, but my feeling that way doesnāt seem anything like what transgender people must be feeling.
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I think this is difficult to comprehend by both straight, gay, and bi people, each contributing to the confusion in different ways.
Most gay people have gone through the bi-eraser phase before coming out as fully gay. To many people, the bi declaration is just a phase before coming out as fully gay.
To add to that, if you are bi, there is very little incentive for you to come out as bi, as declaring yourself straight is just so much more convenient, this is especially true if your bisexuality only pertains to your sex life, but not your romantic life. There are plenty of straight guys who would only date women romantically, despite enjoying gay sex on the side.
Lastly, the term bisexual is just not very well defined.
If you are only attracted to women, but enjoy anal penetration, are you bi?
If you are only attracted to women romantically, but enjoy sex with men more, are you bi?
If you are only attracted to transgender people, are you bi?
If you are only attracted to certain TYPES of transgender people (female passing, with boobs, but also with dicks), are you bi?
If you are attracted to women, and would only have sex with men when they dress up as women, are you bi?
Yeah, for sure. Iāve taken all those attributes about myself and wrapped them up in what womanhood means for me. They certainly arenāt what makes someone a woman, and someone with those qualities doesnāt necessarily identify as a woman, but theyāre interlinked for me because theyāre all components of my identity. Itās hard to separate them as a result.
I guess I would define it as, first and foremost, I know I am a woman. I feel it in my bones. Other attributes donāt make that fact more or less true, but because all of those things have grown up inside me simultaneously, they become part of the definition for me.
I donāt really understand how a transgender person knows they are who are they are, because Iāve never felt that conflict inside myself, all of my attributes, physical and otherwise, are in agreement, but I believe they feel that conflict. They know they are who they are in their bones just like I do. I think we all, to some extent, define manhood or womanhood or any other identity for ourselves, but it is real and it is persistent and we just know it in our deepest parts.
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I know a few trans women who said their receding hairline was the first time they really felt physical dysphoria.
Not every trans person experiences dysphoria the same way.
(donāt forget the bi-cycle. What might be true today may not be true tomorrow may not be true in a month may not be true in a year)
I wanted to play on a team with an actual coach so that I could learn how to play.
I also wanted to be able to play with him in our free time when we were just hanging out together. But he was a little kid like me and not the greatest instructor.
It probably wouldnāt have been good to have a co-ed team because even at a young age the boys still dominated. So I probably would have learned more on an all-girls team.
To this day I suck at basically every sport that involves a ball or similar (puck, shuttlecock), which I attribute at least in part to having almost zero instruction.
Oh, sorry, Iāll drop it.
you and me both
Gender dysphoria by a country mile. Although I donāt find males attractive, I experience the feelings of being attracted to others, and itās not hard to imagine that it could have a different target.
With the gender thing I justā¦ donāt really have a strong connection to gender identity? Iām a guy, but to me other than having male parts ābeing a manā doesnāt really mean much to me, so I have a hard time understanding what it would be like to feel like I wanted to be the other gender, since I have no experience feeling like I āwantā or āam supposed to beā a man. If that makes any sense at all.
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I didnāt want to start a new thread, and I found this discussion.
Iām just over a year into transition, and a lot of dysphoria has been relieved. I fit into clothes that are so much smaller than what I used to, and I actually like the reflection in the mirror (most of the time ā the electrolysis scabbing is a bit of a buzz kill).
However, something new has crept up and is seriously kicking my butt. I have pretty severe vocal dysphoria. Iām a regular guest player on a youtube channel that teaches and plays heavy board games. Up until about 3-4 months ago, Iād often go back and watch the videos to see if I missed things, but I canāt anymore. The sound of my recorded voice will reduce me to tears within minutes. It started pretty much right after a customer service rep that was changing my name to Alyssa for one of my financial accounts literally used sir about 25 times in 15 minutes.
I know lots of people hate their voice, but this is more. It feels like invalidates my entire sense of self and identity.
Iām actually starting to go to vocal therapy starting on Wednesday in the hopes of improving it to the point where it isnāt so crippling. Weāll see how that goes, Iām not sure I can focus on the sound of my current voice for the 60-90 minutes per lesson.
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Iām sorry that happened to you, Ms Hawk.
Iām glad much of your dysphoria has been relieved & wish you luck with the vocal therapy. Thatās an aspect of dysphoria I had not really considered before; thanks for sharing.
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