Stochastic butts

One thing I hate about buying salads is the bread slice I get has a random thickness. Sometimes I get the middle of the loaf, which means I get a big fat slice o’bread.

But sometimes I get the butt, which is much smaller than the middle part, and I hate it.

I don’t purchase many salads that come with a bread slice. Is there such a thing? My random butts issue is when my men’s group smokes butts for fundraising and i buy one, i’d like a big one, but they hand me a random one. I cannot lie.


Just give that butt slice and ask for another one that’s from the middle.

Unsurprisingly there has been some research on the subject. On one side we have the Ackles Ass Equation. On the other, apparently Beyoncé is the winner.