Social question - how much to reveal to someone about how much you know about them?

Uh, so sometimes when I interact with someone, I pretend not to know certain things about them even when I do so as to not come across as a creeper.

But then sometimes they expect me to remember certain things that I pretended not to remember and then get offended. But I think it would be weird to be like, “oh yeah I totally did remember that, I was just pretending not to because I thought that would make me look like a stalker or something, hah hah hah.”

Soooo uhh, how do I figure out where to draw the line here?

The beautiful thing about honesty is that it is easy to remember.


If they told you something, it is not stalkerish to remember it.

If you googled them and learned about them from stalking them on-line, then you might come across as stalkerish. But it sounds like this isn’t what’s happening. So I’m not sure what your problem is.

I guess to put it vaguely, sometimes people say things and they reveal way more than they were intending to reveal and I can kind of put 2 + 2 together. But sometimes I don’t think it’s in my best interest to tell them that I did.

Like, I’m reading this thread and putting together that your analytical intelligence is far higher than your social intelligence…

If you had a higher social intelligence (I don’t, either) you could probably guess when they INTEND you to put 2+2 together, and when they don’t, and act accordingly. I still think that if you stick to stuff they’ve told you, you won’t look too stalkerish. Now, if you send a card on their kid’s birthday, that might seem stalkerish. But if you just happen to remember it’s their kid’s birthday, that’s more flattering than stalkerish, imho. People like to imagine that they are important to you, and your remembering details about them supports that notion.

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I wasnt that creeped out when we met in person, I pretended to be listeria, and you said you already knew I was ao fan cause you stalked me out on social media.



This has always been the case.
CS just needs some software update.

I find it creepier when a person pretends to not know things about me and then it comes out later that they do. It’s hard to remember to not know something.

I’ve taken to keeping lists of names, their kids’ names, and I review it before I’m asked to engage in social activities. I’ve more important things on my mind like saving the world,… and the route I’ll take when we leave this event.

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I also run into situations where I know people who know a certain person prior to me having met them, and by the time I meet that person, I know plenty of very scandalous things ahead of time than if they had met a random person off the street. I usually keep my thoughts about those things to myself until I know the person a little more, or as soon as I can get away from them.

This scenario frequently applies to company executives.

I often pretend not to know things I do know.

And then sometimes I seriously just forget stuff. Because it wasn’t important to me.

Sure, it was important to -you- that you stabbed those hookers, but I wasn’t one of the hookers, and why would I be thinking about that?




There’s a difference between not bringing up dirt and pretending you don’t know it. If I knew dirt about someone I’ve just met, I wouldn’t bring it up. But if someone else brought it up, I probably wouldn’t pretend I’d never heard it.

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We should go for Happy Hour the next time I’m in town. :beers: :pizza: :sushi:

what a vanilla situation.

join the gay world where you need to pretend you haven’t already seen someone’s d pics or remembered your grindr sext history when you’re being freshly introduced


I forget a lot of things and I don’t like interrupting people so I tend to hear the same story told over and over again. If people think they have told me before and press the issue, then I’ll explain the finish of the story and that seems to solve it. Something like, “Oh, is this when you found the woodchuck under the garage?” I’m not certain I figure out people’s secrets while having casual conversation though so this may not apply to you.

i overheard someone telling our long time security guard happy bday, and it was the same day as my mom’s. so next year i’m gonna tell him happy bday just to freak him out haha

In the networking book Never Eat Alone the author recommends researching people on social media to know more about them and be able to discuss common interests. I can’t remember it ever backfiring. I’d find it more flattering than creepy myself.

Little murkier before a first date imo, though I guess I understand doing the background check on men for safety reasons

It can’t be creepy if the people put it on their public profiles right? Presumably they made it public so anyone could look at it.