if separate you won’t need to be aware, as they can’t take your money and run off like they can in a joint situation.
Since i got married young, and neither of us had a lot, and we were moving and needed new bank accounts anyway, no, it wasn’t an extra step.
And it means that we both own half of all our retained income without needing to think about it. I don’t have to remember that he picked up the bill last time we ate out, because we always pay the bill from our account.
The big advantage of separate finances is that the irresponsible spouse can’t fritter everything away when the other one isn’t looking. (Nor can the dishonest one clean out the account and move to a nation without an extradition treaty…) Also, if you are older and both already own a lot of stuff (including investments) you don’t have to think about how to fairly combine everything, or which stocks you want to jointly own, or…
The big advantage of joint finances is if one spouse leaves the workforce to rear children (or for any other reason) that spouse doesn’t constantly feel beholden to the other, and need to ask every time they want to pay for something. All the family’s money is theirs, and they can go grocery shopping and pay the mortgage out of their (jointly owned) funds.
I look at if you are staying together, and you don’t know what there is to retire on TOGETHER.
you know you can just ask…if you really are planning on retiring together. Hopefully you’re still talking.
If one spouse is always asking for money, how does that affect the power dynamic?
I think if the spice have very different earnings they need to have all the family’s spending money joint, at a minimum, or the spouse who earns less is constantly disadvantaged.
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Probably about the same as if only one spouse is making money in a joint account
On a more serious note, yes, I’m only talking about individually self sufficient couples here.
you mean couples made up of self-sufficient individuals.
Yes. That.
That’s realistic for couples who don’t intend to rear children. But child-rearing takes an enormous amount of effort, and it often makes sense for one person to specialize in child-rearing while the other specializes in bringing in income. My husband was a SAHD for several years, and it would have been really weird and awkward if the money had all been “mine”.
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If a stay at home spouse did not have access to family funds without asking every time, I would consider that an abusive relationship.
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I wouldn’t go so far. But it would certainly be inconvenient.
Disagree. My husband stays home with our kids. If he had to come ask me for money every time he wanted to go grocery shopping or buy something for himself or the kids, it would really be demeaning to him. It reinforces that my money is MY money, not his without asking, and his work raising our kids is not “real” work.
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Would it just be an inconvenience if you had to go see an HR rep every pay day and ask to be paid?
sounds like a personal problem.
Well, our financial arrangement is a personal decision based on our personal backgrounds and situations, so the shoe fits.
that’s literally how some people get paid? and yeah, it would be just an inconvenience, if it’s something I agreed to going into it. If it doesn’t work for you, break it off.
I agree. If it works, it works.
Assume that you didn’t agree to it and the employment market is a dumpster fire. Abusive or not?