What do you call a Christmas wreath made with $100 bills?
Aretha Franklins
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The adjective for metal is metallic.
But not so for iron.
Which is ironic.
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Also, Metallica didn’t write Iron Man
Q: Why does Santa have such a big sack?
A: Because he only comes once a year.
People are saying that Tesla’s don’t have a new car smell
They have an Elon musk
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I was quite surprised to hear the stationary store moved.
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Last night I accidentally took my cat’s medication.
Don’t ask meow.
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Last night I arrived early for my dinner reservation. I checked in at the desk and the manager said the table would be ready soon, would I mind waiting a bit. I replied, “No, that’s fine”
So, he handed me two glasses and said “Take these to table nine”
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If you would look up the word plethora for me it would mean a lot.
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I was in the mood to tell everyone a funny new story about time travel, but you guys didn’t like it…
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I’m starting a new club for time travelers. If you would like to join, the first meeting was last Thursday at 7pm at the library.
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I told my wife to embrace her mistakes.
She gave me a hug.
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I’m writing a book on reverse psychology.
Please don’t buy it.
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Yesterday a friend complained that she didn’t have a date for Valentine’s Day. So I told her 2/14.
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An atom walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink.
Bartender slides him a drink and the atom downs it. The bartender asks “Hey, buddy, you all right? You look terrible.”
The atom says “I do feel terrible. I just lost an electron.”
The bartender replies: “Are you sure?”
The atom says: “I’m positive.”
I replaced the bed with a trampoline.
The wife hit the roof
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I hope I haven’t already posted this one.
Where does the Helsinki marathon end?
At the Finnish line.
It’s a running joke around the office.
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