My brother & SIL are having a party next month for their 25th wedding anniversary and I am going to the party.
My question is: do I bring a gift? The only other anniversary party I’ve ever been to was my grandparents’ 50th and I was still in college and did not bring a gift.
My stepsister and I took my dad & stepmom out to dinner to celebrate their 25th anniversary. So I guess that was sort of a gift in that we paid for dinner.
But I’m really not sure what’s normal. It’s not a fancy party. But I’d rather err on the side of getting them a gift.
I’ve never given my siblings an anniversary gift. Are they doing anything else to celebrate? I think for my parents’ 50th we all gave money towards a cruise they wanted to take. We also hosted the party.
going to a party for a 25th anniversary - would definitely bring a gift, even if just a bottle of nice wine.
Just going to someone’s home for dinner I would bring a gift.
I wasn’t even invited to my brother’s wedding so doubtful I’d be invited to an anniversary party. Plus, neither him nor his wife drinks so bringing a bottle of wine would be … something other than a gift.
I will add that I think there’s an implied covenant of reciprocity.
If I gave my bro a gift a few times and he never gave me one back, then my gifting would diminish. And it doesn’t have to be equal necessarily (my sibs make less than fellow money), but reciprocity of some sort cannot be ignored.
I am not remotely thinking about reciprocity. They are very much in love and have been for the last 31 years. Not everyone is lucky enough to find the love of their life at age 15/16 like they did. (Started dating at 15/16, married at 20/21, 25th anniversary at 45/46)
There’s a big gap between keeping score and recognizing that some people take and never give.
I’m a giver. I don’t need to be given anything, it’s not important to me. But if I’m the only one doing the emotional work of appreciation in a relationship, in whatever form that takes, eventually I am depleted.
It’s acceptable to recognize that you put more value into a relationship than someone else does, and taking a step back to match their investment.
As an example, I give quilts to people. I don’t expect anyone to give me a quilt. But if I know someone shows appreciation by writing handmade notes of thanks and I never get one from them, I’m going to assume they don’t value me the way I value them. Similarly, if someone on my team left and didn’t get a quilt (even everyone else has), and I’m fully capable of making them one, it’s logical to conclude that they aren’t as meaningful to me.
