Funny and SFW

SpaceLobster · January 18, 2024, 11:41pm

Those are the things they gave me with my book scanner lol.

Maphistos_Sidekick · January 19, 2024, 12:16pm

Snikelfritz · January 20, 2024, 12:06pm

Snikelfritz · January 20, 2024, 9:08pm

SteveWhite · January 21, 2024, 5:14pm

[quote = “(some snipped)”]
THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY “THOMAS COOK VACATIONS” FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS:

“They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax.”
“On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food.”
“We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish.”
“The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room.”
“It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during ‘siesta’ time – this should be banned.”
“No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared.”
“It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair.”
“I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends’ three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller.”
“When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners.”
“We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning.”
“I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes.”
“My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.”
[/quote]

I especially CTMed at 12.

ETA: No, at 7. They display as renumbered after the snipping. Especially weird since they still have the original numbers when editing, as this screenshot during editing shows.

meep · January 22, 2024, 9:09pm

https://stump.marypat.org/article/766/mortality-monday-death-to-geese

1.W.56.52 Struck by other fish

This is a real-life concern for people in Illinois, y’all—carp just fly up out of the river and smack people in the face. Also, with regards to those guys who go around sticking their hands into catfish holes to try to grab them: Stop doing that. Catfish have stingers and they’re barely good to eat. Best to stay away from the whole undisclosed-variety-of-fish that necessitates this code.

2. W56.22 Struck by orca

We assume that anyone inputting this code will be quietly humming “Will You Be There” while they’re doing it, and that would be a mistake, folks. Orcas will not be there for you, they are seal-killin’ machines that only look cute and cuddly. Don’t be this kid. It won’t end well.

W61.1 Contact with macaw

At Healthcare Dive, we typically do whatever we can to avoid coming into contact with semi-domestic birds that bite, but unfortunately, others do not share our good sense. Addendum: Also worth avoiding Australia entirely, where hordes of wild cockatoos rove the countryside like marauding sky-dogs.

W55.21 Bitten by a cow

Look. Don’t be fooled by their placid bovine expressions. Cattle are not to be messed with. If the cloven-hoof thing wasn’t enough to convince you, there’s an entire Wikihow dedicated to combating bovinophobia. Stay away, people. Stay away.

……
8. V80.2 Occupant of animal-drawn vehicle injured in collision with pedestrian or animal

Okay, my coders and heroes, this isn’t so much an “animal” to avoid as a “situation.” Obviously, since this is 2015, we shouldn’t have to have this ridiculous conversation about not allowing a living animal to drag you around in a death trap on wheels. N/A.

W56.41 Bitten by shark

Fine.

Deaths by animal, 2014:

ArthurItas · January 22, 2024, 9:30pm

I was staying at a lodge in the Amazon rain forest. A wild macaw came close to me and kept trying to get on my shoulder. I didn’t let it, as having that giant beak right next to my ear sounded ill advised.

I did let the wooly monkeys come sit in my lap, which was probably more dangerous but I felt I could read the situation better.