#1 is sort of true for my stepmom - she and my father had an affair and the marriage ended shortly after my mother found out about it. But the marriage probably should have ended long before she came into the picture so I wouldn’t put her as the primary reason. I was 10 when I met her - generally a good age for children to have another adult figure in their lives. My sister was 13 - arguably the worst age to have another parental figure.
#1 is the real valid reason, although it lay on the father as much as the stepmom. A random woman can’t seduce an unwilling man, but a child won’t necessarily see it that way.
I think women are more manipulative than men. Can’t seduce a totally unwilling man, but it’s not that difficult if he’s slightly willing.
I disagree and speculate it’s a difference in life experience. I’ve known plenty of manipulative men and women, I don’t see a difference. If people are going to cheat, they’ll cheat.
yeah there are no totally unwilling men.
My mother never told me as a child that my father was having an affair - I didn’t hear about it until his cousin told me more than 20 years after the fact. And it’s entirely possible that my father was even more at fault than my stepmother. In fact, my father divorced my stepmother several years ago - and she was under the impression that he was seeing another woman behind her back at the time.
Valid is a strong assumption to make on all stepmoms though.
That is a fair riposte… A father cheating in response to something like an unfaithful partner in a crumbling marriage is not necessarily the stepmother’s fault. Emotional turbulence when the marriage is clearly late-stage failing could introduce a lot of grey area.
Well also there is the very real case where there was no cheating, or maybe there was but it’s irrelevant because by the time the stepmom came around everybody was already divorced. So then the stepmom really had nothing to do with the divorce at all.
Oh, for sure. I was talking about reasons for why people might be upset at stepmothers, and #1 seemed like a reasonable cause, although as you said it could be more nuanced than the child realizes.
I should probably just shut up since I have no real insight or experience with such.
No worries, I agree that the propensity for #1 happening in the world puts a bad light on stepmoms in general. I’m not fond of the stereotype myself, however.
You see if you can find “Fractured Fairy Tales” (used to be a regular feature on the Rocky & Bullwinkle show) for the 8 yo. I found these extremely funny, but you had to know what the “real” story was about.
By “real” . . . I mean the “G rated” versions that are usually promulgated to the young(er) masses. The FFT versions actually tend to tie back to the original versions of these tales, but often with some “modern” references.
Oh yeah, 10 is this (but also probably in the serial killer way).
there was cheating? who cheated?
I just meant that one or both of the bioparents may have cheated and that lead to the divorce in general. It doesn’t necessary involve the stepmom in all cases.
If I use my own case as an example, there wasn’t any cheating w.r.t bio-mom and bio-dad.
Not all parties may agree to that statement, but it’s not really any of my business either (before my time).
Also, the stories have evolved over time .
So, like fairy tales?
IMO I’m glad the stepmother came in when she did. She helped “euthanize” a failing marriage. At the time it was very difficult for my mother but looking back at it she said it was a blessing in disguise. She had wanted to leave my father before then but back in the 70s it was a much tougher decision for a woman to leave her husband than it is now.
Ugh. I have only dealt with stepgrandmothers. Mr aj had 2 stepmoms but we are down to 1. The first stepmom raised him and he called her mom. Then his dad got remarried after divorcing SM1 so there was another. We don’t see her since his dad passed. But we have always visited the others & my parents. He actually met his BioMom after we married. That is another whole story.
SM1 was super involved when my kids were the only grandkids, but dropped off significantly when her girls had kids. I expected it, but it was hard to see it play out. And she would come to town (200 miles) and see her other grandkids and not even tell us she was coming. I would find out via social media.
Neither SM1 nor BioMom came to my kids HS graduations because the other might be there. Kid1 is finished with both (for other reasons as well) but Kid2 is inviting them both to her wedding this fall. Will they finally meet?
I just think they both need grow up but they are both over 70 so not holding my breath.