# Alyssa's FAQ **URL:** \ **Category:** Transgender Discussion Group\ **Created:** [October 29, 2021, 9:18pm UTC](https://community.goactuary.com/t/alyssas-faq/4408 "2021-10-29T21:18:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![ao\_fan](https://community.goactuary.com/user_avatar/community.goactuary.com/ao_fan/32/143_2.png) [@ao\_fan](https://community.goactuary.com/u/ao_fan)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2021, 7:57pm UTC](https://community.goactuary.com/t/alyssas-faq/4408/21 "2021-11-05T19:57:58Z")
you love being unconscious? I got an endoscopy a few years ago where I wound up really hurting my eye. You have no real control of where you’re laying down since apparently it’s not a normal type of sleep and I was laying directly on my eye. It was in pain for days. I’m lucky I didn’t damage it permanently. ---
**Author:** ![procrastinator](https://community.goactuary.com/letter_avatar_proxy/v4/letter/p/45deac/32.png) [@procrastinator](https://community.goactuary.com/u/procrastinator)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2021, 8:23pm UTC](https://community.goactuary.com/t/alyssas-faq/4408/22 "2021-11-05T20:23:57Z")
Hi Alyssa. Like others, I appreciate you doing this. If you don’t mind sharing, I have a question: How did you decide what your new name would be? ---
**Author:** ![Mountainhawk](https://community.goactuary.com/user_avatar/community.goactuary.com/mountainhawk/32/82290_2.png) [@Mountainhawk](https://community.goactuary.com/u/Mountainhawk)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2021, 8:30pm UTC](https://community.goactuary.com/t/alyssas-faq/4408/23 "2021-11-05T20:30:46Z")
Way back when I was in college, I went through a list of names, eliminated some where I knew people with that name, and then created usenet identities for Alyssa, Alicia, and Erica, basically trying them out. It was pretty quickly obvious Alyssa was a perfect fit for me, and I’ve used that name ever since. After I came out to my Mom last year, a couple of weeks later she mentioned that Alyssa was the name they had chosen for me if I was AFAB, so it was clearly meant to be. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![John.S.Mill](https://community.goactuary.com/user_avatar/community.goactuary.com/john.s.mill/32/9771_2.png) [@John.S.Mill](https://community.goactuary.com/u/John.S.Mill)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2021, 8:33pm UTC](https://community.goactuary.com/t/alyssas-faq/4408/24 "2021-11-05T20:33:10Z")
> [@ao\_fan](#): > > you love being unconscious? Yup. It makes me fear death less. It’s no different from euthanasia, except that you are promised that you’ll wake up. And when you wake up…who knows how much time has passed. It’s quite magical. I haven’t had any bad experiences during my unconsciousness, and I snap out of it with no lingering headaches or anything like some people. It’s definitely my preferred way of dying if I get to choose. ---
**Author:** ![Mountainhawk](https://community.goactuary.com/user_avatar/community.goactuary.com/mountainhawk/32/82290_2.png) [@Mountainhawk](https://community.goactuary.com/u/Mountainhawk)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2021, 8:34pm UTC](https://community.goactuary.com/t/alyssas-faq/4408/25 "2021-11-05T20:34:33Z")
I hear it’s quite a trip. Basically like time traveling, you count, then you wake up and it’s over. ---
**Author:** ![John.S.Mill](https://community.goactuary.com/user_avatar/community.goactuary.com/john.s.mill/32/9771_2.png) [@John.S.Mill](https://community.goactuary.com/u/John.S.Mill)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2021, 8:37pm UTC](https://community.goactuary.com/t/alyssas-faq/4408/26 "2021-11-05T20:37:49Z")
Yes! It’s like cryogenics. I usually try to fight it and see how long I last. But this time I don’t think they gave me any warning or countdowns. So I woke up without knowing how I passed out. Disappointing. ---
**Author:** ![ao\_fan](https://community.goactuary.com/user_avatar/community.goactuary.com/ao_fan/32/143_2.png) [@ao\_fan](https://community.goactuary.com/u/ao_fan)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2021, 8:42pm UTC](https://community.goactuary.com/t/alyssas-faq/4408/27 "2021-11-05T20:42:04Z")
I wouldn’t mind it if not for almost going blind. Doctors need to pay attention to where you are laying your head! ---
**Author:** ![John.S.Mill](https://community.goactuary.com/user_avatar/community.goactuary.com/john.s.mill/32/9771_2.png) [@John.S.Mill](https://community.goactuary.com/u/John.S.Mill)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2021, 8:42pm UTC](https://community.goactuary.com/t/alyssas-faq/4408/28 "2021-11-05T20:42:50Z")
Yeah sounds like recklessness on their part. ---
**Author:** ![Breadmaker](https://community.goactuary.com/user_avatar/community.goactuary.com/breadmaker/32/83065_2.png) [@Breadmaker](https://community.goactuary.com/u/Breadmaker)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2021, 10:14pm UTC](https://community.goactuary.com/t/alyssas-faq/4408/29 "2021-11-05T22:14:32Z")
I’ve been under for my colonoscopies and for some non-trivial surgery: I could feel every muscle in my body relax. 👍 ETA: You might want to hold off on eating or drinking after you recover, unless they give you anti-nausea medicine. ---
**Author:** ![Breadmaker](https://community.goactuary.com/user_avatar/community.goactuary.com/breadmaker/32/83065_2.png) [@Breadmaker](https://community.goactuary.com/u/Breadmaker)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2021, 11:16pm UTC](https://community.goactuary.com/t/alyssas-faq/4408/30 "2021-11-05T23:16:53Z")
I had to look up AFAB. 🤷‍♂️ ---
**Author:** ![SpaceLobster](https://community.goactuary.com/user_avatar/community.goactuary.com/spacelobster/32/38216_2.png) [@SpaceLobster](https://community.goactuary.com/u/SpaceLobster)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2021, 11:18pm UTC](https://community.goactuary.com/t/alyssas-faq/4408/31 "2021-11-05T23:18:55Z")
Another odd acronym. It should probably be something like physically a female at birth. I think mh has already stated that they were female at birth but pamab. ---
**Author:** ![Mountainhawk](https://community.goactuary.com/user_avatar/community.goactuary.com/mountainhawk/32/82290_2.png) [@Mountainhawk](https://community.goactuary.com/u/Mountainhawk)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2021, 11:59pm UTC](https://community.goactuary.com/t/alyssas-faq/4408/32 "2021-11-05T23:59:50Z")
I’ll put a list of acronyms in the OP. Sorry! ---
**Author:** ![SpaceLobster](https://community.goactuary.com/user_avatar/community.goactuary.com/spacelobster/32/38216_2.png) [@SpaceLobster](https://community.goactuary.com/u/SpaceLobster)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2021, 12:06am UTC](https://community.goactuary.com/t/alyssas-faq/4408/33 "2021-11-06T00:06:51Z")
I don’t ask many questions because any I have are likely inappropriate or myob level. But here’s one that’s curious. Are your interest/activities switching from more traditional masculine to more traditionally feminine? Youve mentioned your hair style a couple of times. Is that new? Like, have you given up smoking cigars and started caring about hand towels? 😀 Or are your interests still the same but you have the opportunity to express them now. ---
**Author:** ![Mountainhawk](https://community.goactuary.com/user_avatar/community.goactuary.com/mountainhawk/32/82290_2.png) [@Mountainhawk](https://community.goactuary.com/u/Mountainhawk)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2021, 12:18am UTC](https://community.goactuary.com/t/alyssas-faq/4408/34 "2021-11-06T00:18:38Z")
It’s been a interesting mix. I still enjoy sports, though I dedicate less time to it outside of watching games than I used to. I notice the idiocy of sports talk radio much more now. I also am still really into board games, which isn’t really a male hobby, but some people still think of it that way. On the flip side, I used to be the person that hated clothes shopping, and I’d just go once every 3 years for 30 minutes to pick up a few shirts and pants to replace the ones worn out. Now I really, really love getting new clothes. I haven’t really been able to do a full day out shopping due to COVID, but when I do get new clothes it’s such an amazing feeling. I’ve got an entire rack of shoes now, which I also enjoy hunting down, though do to my shoe size (women’s 13) that’s mostly online. I’m putting this down to always have a interest in clothes, but hating the options I had available to me. I’ve started cooking more – but that’s something I always wanted to do, just never believed I could do it. But when you build up the courage to transition gender, something like learning to cook seems easy. I’m talking way better care of my health as well, which I assume is just the general malaise of dysphoria lifting. I’ve had long hair for quite awhile, but I always envisioned myself as a redhead, so that was the first thing I did when I started to come out. After about a year of red, I added the purple to the bottom which I absolutely adore. I’d say I’m still mostly the same person, just a happier, more confident me with prettier clothes, hair, and nails. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Lucy](https://community.goactuary.com/user_avatar/community.goactuary.com/lucy/32/8802_2.png) [@Lucy](https://community.goactuary.com/u/Lucy)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2021, 1:15am UTC](https://community.goactuary.com/t/alyssas-faq/4408/35 "2021-11-06T01:15:41Z")
> [@Mountainhawk](#): > > I’m putting this down to always have a interest in clothes, but hating the options I had available to me. It’s got to be more fun to shop for clothes that you like and that make you feel good. ---
**Author:** ![John.S.Mill](https://community.goactuary.com/user_avatar/community.goactuary.com/john.s.mill/32/9771_2.png) [@John.S.Mill](https://community.goactuary.com/u/John.S.Mill)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2021, 1:15am UTC](https://community.goactuary.com/t/alyssas-faq/4408/36 "2021-11-06T01:15:47Z")
Even those in the LGBTQ community can be confused by labels as well. I’m still learning. New ones I learned: Nonbinary and gender nonconforming refer to different things Gender nonconforming refers to not conforming to society’s expectations of what’s manly or womanly, but doesn’t actually say anything about your gender identity. For example, you can be an effeminate man and wear nail polish and wear a skirt but 100% identify yourself as a man. Nonbinary IS a gender identity, or lack thereof. It means you don’t feel like you are a man or a woman from within, you feel like you’re something in between (and again, has nothing to do with how you present yourself to the world or what genitalia you have) or even something outside of the spectrum, or that you feel comfortable identifying as either. ---
**Author:** ![SpaceLobster](https://community.goactuary.com/user_avatar/community.goactuary.com/spacelobster/32/38216_2.png) [@SpaceLobster](https://community.goactuary.com/u/SpaceLobster)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2021, 1:30am UTC](https://community.goactuary.com/t/alyssas-faq/4408/37 "2021-11-06T01:30:50Z")
> [@Mountainhawk](#): > > I’ve got an entire rack of shoes now, Lol. My shoes are defined by function and I have a single pair for each function. Interesting response. It’s nice to be able to express yourself as you like, amirite? ---
**Author:** ![Mountainhawk](https://community.goactuary.com/user_avatar/community.goactuary.com/mountainhawk/32/82290_2.png) [@Mountainhawk](https://community.goactuary.com/u/Mountainhawk)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2021, 2:00am UTC](https://community.goactuary.com/t/alyssas-faq/4408/38 "2021-11-06T02:00:29Z")
Yeah, before I had sneakers, dress shoes, boots (for both rain/snow) and slippers. Now I have like 4 pairs of black shoes. It’s kind of wild, but it’s nice. ---
**Author:** ![NumericalNeuroticism](https://community.goactuary.com/user_avatar/community.goactuary.com/numericalneuroticism/32/464_2.png) [@NumericalNeuroticism](https://community.goactuary.com/u/NumericalNeuroticism)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2021, 4:33am UTC](https://community.goactuary.com/t/alyssas-faq/4408/39 "2021-11-06T04:33:03Z")
> [@Mountainhawk](#): > > she mentioned that Alyssa was the name they had chosen for me I wonder if she had mentioned that when you were young and it stayed with you :shrug: A similar question: what do your kids call you? Assuming it’s different from before, who chose the new parental name and was that more difficult than changing your first name? As others have expressed, I appreciate your sharing so we can learn and understand :bighug: ---
**Author:** ![Mountainhawk](https://community.goactuary.com/user_avatar/community.goactuary.com/mountainhawk/32/82290_2.png) [@Mountainhawk](https://community.goactuary.com/u/Mountainhawk)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2021, 12:05pm UTC](https://community.goactuary.com/t/alyssas-faq/4408/40 "2021-11-06T12:05:12Z")
The kids call both of us Mom. If there is a need to differentiate, I’m Mom and my wife is Mommy or O.G. Mom. When the time came, I gave the kids a list of options that I looked up. Things like Ren or Renny (shortening of parent) mainly, or a couple of other options I don’t recall. Mom wasn’t even on the list, because that was my wife and I wasn’t going to even consider using that. Then I left for the day (I think I had a game day with friends) and let my kids and wife talk about it privately, and when I came home for dinner, they told me they were just going to call me Mom. I checked in with my wife to make sure that was really ok once they were in bed, and it was, so here we are. [Previous page](https://community.goactuary.com/t/alyssas-faq/4408.md?page=1) [Next page](https://community.goactuary.com/t/alyssas-faq/4408.md?page=3)