I don’t, and I think there’s a solid chance we end up inheriting $1.5-2M+ in the next 10+ years (over $1M of that in real estate). It is always in my head that my brother-in-law (estranged from wife’s parents for 25 years now and explicitly written out of the will) could try sneaking back into the picture if their health takes a downturn, but he’s had a few chances to do that, and it feels like that’s done.
I’ve done all of my retirement planning assuming we get nothing though.
OTOH, my youngest brother and I will be supporting my mother for quite awhile.
My experience with arranging a funeral (I’ve done 3, both parents and other grandmother) is that funeral directors are pretty much like car sales people. Like any other sales business, they are incentivized to get you to spend your (or the deceased’s) hard earned cash. It sounds callous, but once the loved one is in the ground does it really matter if the casket cost $2500 or $10,000? Does it matter if you spent $500 on flowers or $5000 on flowers? Does it matter if you paid an organist for 20 minutes of music or 90 minutes?
I come from working class, blue collar families. We have not been ones to spend lavishly on last expenses. We don’t have over-the-top last hurrah parties. To each his or her own.
The funeral home where my grandmother per-planned her last expenses does not exist anymore. I wonder how many people pre-planned at that place only to outlive the business.
I’ve definitely gotten the sense from my MIL that the biggest challenge is getting people through the door. I think the actual profit margin once you’ve got a funeral is huge, with the exception being cremations which I think are tighter margins because the revenue is so much less.
It struck me that I might like to be just put in the ground with an apple tree planted over me which I suggested in front of my wife and MIL. They thought it was a bit of a hippy fad to do , certainly when my MIL’s father (who previously ran the family business) died it was all about the most expensive casket etc etc. Seems pretty silly to me to dig a hole and bury money in the ground all in hopes to prolong the inevitable decay of your body (and god forbid you refer to it as a coffin).
I definitely think a lot of people over-spend although I will say that my mother was prepared to bury my stepfather in a God-awful plastic thing from the crematorium and my step-brother and I were like “no, we’re paying $250 for a nice wooden box.” We literally picked the cheapest one. But it wasn’t plastic.
And the regular cemetery plots were, in round numbers, $1,000 each and could hold two cremains boxes with one headstone for both.
But when my mother got irrationally upset at the prospect of her name appearing on a tombstone before she was actually dead (and there was NO talking her out of this) then we did decide to spring for two $600 cremains plots rather than one $1,000 full plot. This will necessitate an extra tombstone, which was the whole point of the two plots, but as mentioned, those are super cheap through the DOD.
I can see paying for more music if you can afford it, as that’s probably not that much and might make for a nicer ceremony.
I can’t see paying for a $10,000 casket instead of a $2,500 casket unless you need to spend extra for one that’s airline approved and you need to fly the (c)remains somewhere. And there will probably be plenty of flowers… I don’t think we spent a dime on flowers. In spite of asking for charitable donations in lieu of flowers… we still got enough flowers to decorate both the funeral home for the visitation (then transported to the church for the funeral mass) and the grave.
I have no interest in spending $$$ on a funeral for myself. My parents have provided their wishes to my elder sister and I am fine with that. I’ve told my kids not to spend a lot of money. I was really hoping to prepay but not quite ready yet. A family funeral we attended earlier this year was prepaid and it was fine. Not sure how long ago arrangements were made tho.
I have a question: you know how people say they want their ashes thrown into the ocean or spread at this or that place? Is that even legal? I was hoping to have the cremation people take care of mine. I certainly don’t want to be responsible for anyone’s ashes and I don’t want to burden hubby/kids with that. (I probably will be responsible for my aunt’s ashes, and she wants them spread somewhere. I didn’t say no, but… will she haunt me if I don’t?)
I don’t think the ashes are dangerous… they’re not really ashes… they’re bits of bone and teeth.
My understanding is that you can scatter on private property with the permission of the owner, or you should ask permission to scatter on public property from whomever manages the land (city, county, state).
I’m sure a lot of people don’t do the latter but I think you’re technically supposed to.
Yep, and I think funeral homes are legally required to let you bring in your own. I think that’s driven down the prices at some funeral homes as some margin is better than none.
As a guy who follows a recipe step-by-step in order as they’re written but doesn’t necessarily look ahead, you might want to flip the order of those two sentences.
being cremated is my likely end game. and no stupid urns for the family to carry around and figure out what to do with. my wife and I have 2 urns and wtAf are we supposed to do with them?
(although exam P has me aware of many uses for urns, holding my dead and burnt ashes/bones/teeth is not one of the good uses.)
2-3 hours is fine at the funeral home. let whoever can come to that solemn thing. everyone come to the bender afterwards. finger sandwiches and domestic beer for all my living friends!
I plan to have the party about 2 months before I shuffle off this mortal coil, so I can enjoy it too. What’s the point of having all your friends and relatives get together if you’re not there to see it?
That is my partner’s wishes. I’ve facetiously told them to roll me in the ravine out back and let the coyotes have at me. But I will probably just be cremated. No desire to be formaldehyde’d and displayed like a museum exhibit.
The answer is… it depends. You can have your ashes dispersed in the ocean but there are federal regulations. For example, you need to be at least three miles from shore and anything you put in the water must be decomposable (flowers, wreath, etc.) There are various other rules for other locals. Disney World prohibits ashes from being left. However, they actually have a problem with people dumping ashes. I read an article once and cast members have to clean up the ashes. Short story, don’t do it, it doesn’t end well. People also want to distribute ashes and the USS Arizona memorial in Hawaii. However, the only legal way to do that is to have ashes interred in the USS Arizona by the Navy. You have to have served on the ship. My understanding is that there are some serious repercussions for throwing anything in the water there.
, certainly when my MIL’s father (who previously ran the family business) died it was all about the most expensive casket etc etc. Seems pretty silly to me to dig a hole and bury money in the ground all in hopes to prolong the inevitable decay of your body (and god forbid you refer to it as a coffin).